I said social grace. True kindness and honesty and loyalty have their reward. It’s not usually as large as the ones you get by going full-blown machiavellian, but it’s usually more reliable and durable: people tend to notice if your virtues are fake, and machiavellians are competitive, while “true gentlemen” don’t need to fight each other off. It’s the difference between getting power and getting respect.
I said social grace. True kindness and honesty and loyalty have their reward.
Exactly. Particularly if you choose the right people to be kind to and the right times to be loyal.
people tend to notice if your virtues are fake
Believing in the pretty lining, and even erring slightly in the direction of being ‘virtuous’ when the stakes are low tends to be a practical policy. Because doing the calculations of just when not to be kind is hard.
Note people can get by satisfactorily by living by the Golden Rule. At least they can if they are sufficiently sheltered. Yet this does not appear graceful. It looks kludgey and naive.
A perhaps even more important point is that when being kind/nice/virtual/reciprocal/cooperating/etc the golden rule, “One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself”, still isn’t the one to follow. Again you can get by treating others as you would like to be treated but—some people will be able to tolerate you. But to be ‘socially graceful’ you need to be able to read people and infer how they will respond best to being treated.
Note that
while “true gentlemen” don’t need to fight each other off. It’s the difference between getting power and getting respect.
I thought that the golden rule was treat others as they would like to be treated, not as you would like to be treated.
That is sometimes proposed as moral rule too. But the golden rule is “do unto others as as you would have them do unto you”. From the looks of it the quote you have there is one I took straight from wikipedia.
And yes, the golden rule being that way is obviously silly. If I went around doing that I would be locked up for sexual assault or harassment.
I said social grace. True kindness and honesty and loyalty have their reward. It’s not usually as large as the ones you get by going full-blown machiavellian, but it’s usually more reliable and durable: people tend to notice if your virtues are fake, and machiavellians are competitive, while “true gentlemen” don’t need to fight each other off. It’s the difference between getting power and getting respect.
Exactly. Particularly if you choose the right people to be kind to and the right times to be loyal.
Believing in the pretty lining, and even erring slightly in the direction of being ‘virtuous’ when the stakes are low tends to be a practical policy. Because doing the calculations of just when not to be kind is hard.
Note people can get by satisfactorily by living by the Golden Rule. At least they can if they are sufficiently sheltered. Yet this does not appear graceful. It looks kludgey and naive.
A perhaps even more important point is that when being kind/nice/virtual/reciprocal/cooperating/etc the golden rule, “One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself”, still isn’t the one to follow. Again you can get by treating others as you would like to be treated but—some people will be able to tolerate you. But to be ‘socially graceful’ you need to be able to read people and infer how they will respond best to being treated.
Note that
I thought that the golden rule was treat others as they would like to be treated, not as you would like to be treated.
That is sometimes proposed as moral rule too. But the golden rule is “do unto others as as you would have them do unto you”. From the looks of it the quote you have there is one I took straight from wikipedia.
And yes, the golden rule being that way is obviously silly. If I went around doing that I would be locked up for sexual assault or harassment.
@Wed:I didn’t get that last bit,..