I don’t remember where this phrase is from, but as someone who struggles with conventional empathy, it made me finally “get it.”
> If you were them, you would be like them.
I interpret it as “why judge someone by your standards when they stem from your mind, from your brain, which is in your body.” Another person has a different body, thus a different brain, mind, electrochemistry, habits, wants, needs and proclivities. If you were born in their body, and subject to their exact life experience, there’s (very debatably) no reason other than chance as to why you would turn out differently. If you were them, you would be like them.
In some way, this point can be interpreted as fatalist or deterministic when talking about people who are victims to their own mental patterns, implying that *how* they are is tied to *who* they are, and that they cannot modify their mind through agency. However, at the same time, the reason behind why that person still hasn’t developed the self-awareness and willpower necessary to do this, is because they are them, and not you, who *already has* the ability to do that.
I think I’ve been at my happiest at the times where I’ve (morally) judged the least, and empathized the most. I haven’t yet noticed any problems with optimizing for minimal judgement. By moral judgement, I mean the emotion-generating kind, be it disgust, hate, or smugness.
PS: I’ve never worked in a group where I’ve felt a sense of camaraderie and fair teamwork in group projects. where each member genuinely contributed and put in near-equal effort, instead of the usual me doing 90% of the hard work. But I don’t blame my teammates. The course had to be taken, groups had to be formed, and a project had to be delivered. We just didn’t have the same priorities, and why judge them based on mine? I don’t have the same priorities, because I’m not them.
I don’t remember where this phrase is from, but as someone who struggles with conventional empathy, it made me finally “get it.”
> If you were them, you would be like them.
I interpret it as “why judge someone by your standards when they stem from your mind, from your brain, which is in your body.” Another person has a different body, thus a different brain, mind, electrochemistry, habits, wants, needs and proclivities. If you were born in their body, and subject to their exact life experience, there’s (very debatably) no reason other than chance as to why you would turn out differently. If you were them, you would be like them.
In some way, this point can be interpreted as fatalist or deterministic when talking about people who are victims to their own mental patterns, implying that *how* they are is tied to *who* they are, and that they cannot modify their mind through agency. However, at the same time, the reason behind why that person still hasn’t developed the self-awareness and willpower necessary to do this, is because they are them, and not you, who *already has* the ability to do that.
I think I’ve been at my happiest at the times where I’ve (morally) judged the least, and empathized the most. I haven’t yet noticed any problems with optimizing for minimal judgement. By moral judgement, I mean the emotion-generating kind, be it disgust, hate, or smugness.
PS: I’ve never worked in a group where I’ve felt a sense of camaraderie and fair teamwork in group projects. where each member genuinely contributed and put in near-equal effort, instead of the usual me doing 90% of the hard work. But I don’t blame my teammates. The course had to be taken, groups had to be formed, and a project had to be delivered. We just didn’t have the same priorities, and why judge them based on mine? I don’t have the same priorities, because I’m not them.
This can be a true statement and you can be disgusted by the thought of “being (like) them”.