I agree that this should have been in an open thread. I’m going to dump some random thoughts anyway. I don’t know if you meant it like that but the training wheels assumption seems vaguely insulting to poly people. I’m not sure where it comes from. Presumably to do well with either dating style you still need to be able to approach people, keep a conversation going, show confidence… what specifically do you think will be easier for you in a poly community? Serious question. It might be easier, but probably not if you approach these people with the attitude that their relationship style is a lesser one.
Some pros and cons off the top of my head:
Mono is simpler. There are less people for you to worry about. A lot more people prefer this relationship style. Partly because of social pressure, but it’s true either way. This is a numbers game, especially if you’re trying to get better at it. It’s good to meet a lot of people and see who you click with. If you’re into poly that will be a deal breaker for some people right off the bat, at least if okcupid match questions mean anything.
On the other hand, in a big city like Melbourne, there might be enough poly people for this to work. It’s a higher variance strategy. It might hurt your chances with some people, but if you meet someone and you’re poly and so is she and you both know you’re a minority then that can work to your advantage. But doesn’t get you out of needing social skills to have good odds.
Poly communities are probably more ask culture on average, and aspies tend to do better in ask culture. I think it’s a filter effect—askiness correlates with whatever other traits make people experiment with non mainstream dating styles. I have literally no data on this. It’s just anecdotal impressions.
Funny, I’m sort of the opposite. I think I prefer poly. I’m too inexperienced to be sure. I’m leaning towards using casual monogamous dating as my practice, since, again, the majority of girls I’ve interacted with seem to prefer this, and only insisting they be polyamorous after since it will filter people out. Good luck with whatever you try.
I agree that this should have been in an open thread. I’m going to dump some random thoughts anyway. I don’t know if you meant it like that but the training wheels assumption seems vaguely insulting to poly people. I’m not sure where it comes from. Presumably to do well with either dating style you still need to be able to approach people, keep a conversation going, show confidence… what specifically do you think will be easier for you in a poly community? Serious question. It might be easier, but probably not if you approach these people with the attitude that their relationship style is a lesser one.
Some pros and cons off the top of my head:
Mono is simpler. There are less people for you to worry about. A lot more people prefer this relationship style. Partly because of social pressure, but it’s true either way. This is a numbers game, especially if you’re trying to get better at it. It’s good to meet a lot of people and see who you click with. If you’re into poly that will be a deal breaker for some people right off the bat, at least if okcupid match questions mean anything.
On the other hand, in a big city like Melbourne, there might be enough poly people for this to work. It’s a higher variance strategy. It might hurt your chances with some people, but if you meet someone and you’re poly and so is she and you both know you’re a minority then that can work to your advantage. But doesn’t get you out of needing social skills to have good odds.
Poly communities are probably more ask culture on average, and aspies tend to do better in ask culture. I think it’s a filter effect—askiness correlates with whatever other traits make people experiment with non mainstream dating styles. I have literally no data on this. It’s just anecdotal impressions.
Funny, I’m sort of the opposite. I think I prefer poly. I’m too inexperienced to be sure. I’m leaning towards using casual monogamous dating as my practice, since, again, the majority of girls I’ve interacted with seem to prefer this, and only insisting they be polyamorous after since it will filter people out. Good luck with whatever you try.