You say you’re trying to optimize your happiness… Why not consider taking the leap into classical Utilitarianism and optimize happiness generally?
I actually recently made a Utilitarian argument for romantic love, on the Felicifia forums for Valentine’s Day. You may find that an interesting little argument to consider, though I admit it isn’t the most intellectually rigorous argument I’ve ever come up with.
As for the issue of the permanence of love, here’s a copy of something I wrote, about just that, almost four years ago:
The Essential Tragedy of Love
Fundamental to the nature of all human existence is the irreconcilable temporality of all things. Thus, it is a dark truth that every single person one falls in love with is doomed to pass from this world in the unforeseeable future, short of some absurd change in the nature of human existence, such that eternal life becomes real.
However, in the shorter term, not all things are as temporary as others. Thus it behoves us that if we must fall in love, it should be for reasons more immutable than mere circumstances such as wealth and beauty, that can change on a whim, or will inevitably pass with time. Rather, if true love is what you seek, it is wiser to search for those immutable characteristics that will last perhaps as long as you will, things like kindness, intelligence, and the innate traits that are fundamental to a person’s being.
To do otherwise is to invite the situation where what you have fallen in love with has changed, and is no more. As much love is foolishly laced together with commitments binding very souls to unite, it is a terrible place to be in to be trapped with someone who is no longer what you loved. Worse still, it is preventable by simply refraining from such brash commitments until you are certain that what you love is in fact, an immutable presence in that person, and not something that will pass away beforehand.
It is therefore folly to have something such as love at first sight, since what superficial knowledge one can glean from first sight is unlikely to be sufficient to make such a responsible judgment with any sort of reason. Opportunities are transient and momentary, so it is equally foolish to simply wait around in the hopes that perfection is just around the corner. Rather one must balance risk and caution, and more importantly, one must take full responsibility for their actions, their words, and their promises.
Never make a promise you cannot keep. The harm that such bindings cause can be severe when used whimsically. It requires a maturity to know that what you seek to accomplish may never come to be, but that it is better to try than fail automatically, and in this context, to know what you can genuinely promise and make happen. In this manner, you must be earnest and sincere about your intentions and needs. If they are truly worth your admiration, they will be mature enough to understand you, just as you should be mature enough to understand them in that deep, caring sense that allows you to swallow pride and make those elemental compromises for their sake.
Always be aware that life is ethereal, that we are born with a want that can only be fulfilled by the affection of love. The genetic forces that shape us have arguably a will of their own, and this procreative instinct is a base desire from which the primal emotion of love has evolved. But love has exceeded its original form, and become intertwined with the root grace of empathy, a conscientious wisdom that is the source of all human decency. True love then is a conscious decision by a free will. And as such, it is able to function beyond the mere selfish desire and rather form decisions that will gravitate towards the ideal interests of the beloved. And even if such decisions require a painful admission that the beloved is better off with another, it is only true love that will make that sacrifice willingly.
If you truly love her, you will never abandon her, but you will let her go if she wishes. For you want her dreams to come true, regardless of whether you exist in them.
And with such conscious awareness comes the awareness of a misfortunate reality. Love is always bound to eventual, inevitable loss, the tragic circumstance that is the short breath of life. Be forewarned that the more beautiful and wondrous the love, the more painful will be its star-crossed end.
You say you’re trying to optimize your happiness… Why not consider taking the leap into classical Utilitarianism and optimize happiness generally?
I actually recently made a Utilitarian argument for romantic love, on the Felicifia forums for Valentine’s Day. You may find that an interesting little argument to consider, though I admit it isn’t the most intellectually rigorous argument I’ve ever come up with.
As for the issue of the permanence of love, here’s a copy of something I wrote, about just that, almost four years ago:
The Essential Tragedy of Love
Fundamental to the nature of all human existence is the irreconcilable temporality of all things. Thus, it is a dark truth that every single person one falls in love with is doomed to pass from this world in the unforeseeable future, short of some absurd change in the nature of human existence, such that eternal life becomes real.
However, in the shorter term, not all things are as temporary as others. Thus it behoves us that if we must fall in love, it should be for reasons more immutable than mere circumstances such as wealth and beauty, that can change on a whim, or will inevitably pass with time. Rather, if true love is what you seek, it is wiser to search for those immutable characteristics that will last perhaps as long as you will, things like kindness, intelligence, and the innate traits that are fundamental to a person’s being.
To do otherwise is to invite the situation where what you have fallen in love with has changed, and is no more. As much love is foolishly laced together with commitments binding very souls to unite, it is a terrible place to be in to be trapped with someone who is no longer what you loved. Worse still, it is preventable by simply refraining from such brash commitments until you are certain that what you love is in fact, an immutable presence in that person, and not something that will pass away beforehand.
It is therefore folly to have something such as love at first sight, since what superficial knowledge one can glean from first sight is unlikely to be sufficient to make such a responsible judgment with any sort of reason. Opportunities are transient and momentary, so it is equally foolish to simply wait around in the hopes that perfection is just around the corner. Rather one must balance risk and caution, and more importantly, one must take full responsibility for their actions, their words, and their promises.
Never make a promise you cannot keep. The harm that such bindings cause can be severe when used whimsically. It requires a maturity to know that what you seek to accomplish may never come to be, but that it is better to try than fail automatically, and in this context, to know what you can genuinely promise and make happen. In this manner, you must be earnest and sincere about your intentions and needs. If they are truly worth your admiration, they will be mature enough to understand you, just as you should be mature enough to understand them in that deep, caring sense that allows you to swallow pride and make those elemental compromises for their sake.
Always be aware that life is ethereal, that we are born with a want that can only be fulfilled by the affection of love. The genetic forces that shape us have arguably a will of their own, and this procreative instinct is a base desire from which the primal emotion of love has evolved. But love has exceeded its original form, and become intertwined with the root grace of empathy, a conscientious wisdom that is the source of all human decency. True love then is a conscious decision by a free will. And as such, it is able to function beyond the mere selfish desire and rather form decisions that will gravitate towards the ideal interests of the beloved. And even if such decisions require a painful admission that the beloved is better off with another, it is only true love that will make that sacrifice willingly.
If you truly love her, you will never abandon her, but you will let her go if she wishes. For you want her dreams to come true, regardless of whether you exist in them.
And with such conscious awareness comes the awareness of a misfortunate reality. Love is always bound to eventual, inevitable loss, the tragic circumstance that is the short breath of life. Be forewarned that the more beautiful and wondrous the love, the more painful will be its star-crossed end.