With respect to the online rationalist community, my main thing to come out of the closet about is that I was a Young-Earth Creationist all the way up until the end of grad school (and even a Young-Universe Creationist up until the middle of undergrad). Not very rational of me to avoid honestly facing mountains of evidence in order to protect sacred beliefs!
With respect to my family and life-long friends, my main thing to come out of the closet about is that I am now a liberal atheist. Not very respectable of me to willfully join the ranks of the enemy!
My main hurdle in exposing myself on the latter front is not so much my desire to be liked, but my desire not to hurt those I care about. There’s no kind way to inform someone that you think that they are fundamentally wrong about every belief they hold sacred and that they build their entire identity as an individual and a community upon. I am unfortunately the most emotionally stable person I know among those I’m close to, and an unfortunate number of people look up to me as an intelligent person who agrees with them on everything they hold dear, thereby helping them feel more justified in their beliefs. Coming out to them will necessarily create feelings of disappointment, betrayal, devastation, fear, doubt, and/or existential crisis, varying in mixture and intensity according to the individual.
I guess I could offer them the tools of sound epistemology and existential equanimity as a value proposition, but I have doubts as to whether others would see that as a fair trade-off.
There’s no kind way to inform someone that you think that they are fundamentally wrong about every belief they hold sacred and that they build their entire identity as an individual and a community upon
I grew up Mormon and remained so until my early 20s and this is very relatable. I do not explain my choices in depth to my family because any sufficiently detailed explanation would inevitably be interpreted as an attack on their beliefs.
Furthermore I’m not going to try to convince them of my point of view, not from fear of failure but fear of success: It would be devastating for their mental and emotional health.
With respect to the online rationalist community, my main thing to come out of the closet about is that I was a Young-Earth Creationist all the way up until the end of grad school (and even a Young-Universe Creationist up until the middle of undergrad). Not very rational of me to avoid honestly facing mountains of evidence in order to protect sacred beliefs!
With respect to my family and life-long friends, my main thing to come out of the closet about is that I am now a liberal atheist. Not very respectable of me to willfully join the ranks of the enemy!
My main hurdle in exposing myself on the latter front is not so much my desire to be liked, but my desire not to hurt those I care about. There’s no kind way to inform someone that you think that they are fundamentally wrong about every belief they hold sacred and that they build their entire identity as an individual and a community upon. I am unfortunately the most emotionally stable person I know among those I’m close to, and an unfortunate number of people look up to me as an intelligent person who agrees with them on everything they hold dear, thereby helping them feel more justified in their beliefs. Coming out to them will necessarily create feelings of disappointment, betrayal, devastation, fear, doubt, and/or existential crisis, varying in mixture and intensity according to the individual.
I guess I could offer them the tools of sound epistemology and existential equanimity as a value proposition, but I have doubts as to whether others would see that as a fair trade-off.
I grew up Mormon and remained so until my early 20s and this is very relatable. I do not explain my choices in depth to my family because any sufficiently detailed explanation would inevitably be interpreted as an attack on their beliefs.
Furthermore I’m not going to try to convince them of my point of view, not from fear of failure but fear of success: It would be devastating for their mental and emotional health.