reading it is weird, because my model is somewhat the opposite—more women initiate divorce then men, and more women will gain from initiating it, and remain in relationships they should leave.
women make more of the housework, more of the emotional labor (the point about women require emotional work is wildly contradicting my model), more of the maintaining social ties (there are studies i read about that, and socialization reasons for that. women have more friends and more intimate friends, and a lot of men freeload on their gf friendships and have no intimate relationship that is not romantic).
it can be that both are true, and it’s not hard imagining two deeply incompatible people, when breaking up will be net-positive for both of them. but this is not my actual model, nor are the statistics i encountered—for example, that married men live longer, while married women shorter. in my model, in standard marriage, the wins-from-trade are distributed unevenly, and a lot of times the man gain and the woman lose. and all that still hold marriages is kids, and the remains of social stigma. and i know various statistics -about housework and happiness after the spouse die and life expectancy that does not contradict this model.
I also encountered a lot of anecdata that sounds like (not actual citation) “i broke up, this bf made my life so much worse” and even (not actual citation) “i divorced, and despite having to do all the work alone and not having the money he provided, i have more time, because he was so useless housework and childcare-wise, that he net-added work, and i much easier without him.”
so, like, models when marriages are net-negative for men look to me so strange, and one that i don’t know how to reconcile with so much contradicting data.
reading it is weird, because my model is somewhat the opposite—more women initiate divorce then men, and more women will gain from initiating it, and remain in relationships they should leave.
women make more of the housework, more of the emotional labor (the point about women require emotional work is wildly contradicting my model), more of the maintaining social ties (there are studies i read about that, and socialization reasons for that. women have more friends and more intimate friends, and a lot of men freeload on their gf friendships and have no intimate relationship that is not romantic).
it can be that both are true, and it’s not hard imagining two deeply incompatible people, when breaking up will be net-positive for both of them. but this is not my actual model, nor are the statistics i encountered—for example, that married men live longer, while married women shorter. in my model, in standard marriage, the wins-from-trade are distributed unevenly, and a lot of times the man gain and the woman lose. and all that still hold marriages is kids, and the remains of social stigma. and i know various statistics -about housework and happiness after the spouse die and life expectancy that does not contradict this model.
I also encountered a lot of anecdata that sounds like (not actual citation) “i broke up, this bf made my life so much worse” and even (not actual citation) “i divorced, and despite having to do all the work alone and not having the money he provided, i have more time, because he was so useless housework and childcare-wise, that he net-added work, and i much easier without him.”
so, like, models when marriages are net-negative for men look to me so strange, and one that i don’t know how to reconcile with so much contradicting data.