I thought I would give you another causal model based on neuroscience which might help.
I think your models are missing a core biological mechanism: nervous system co-regulation.
Most analyses of relationship value focus on measurable exchanges (sex, childcare, financial support), but overlook how humans are fundamentally regulatory beings. Our nervous systems evolved to stabilize through connection with others.
When you share your life with someone, your biological systems become coupled. This creates several important values:
Your stress response systems synchronize and buffer each other. A partner’s presence literally changes how your body processes stress hormones—creating measurable physiological benefits that affect everything from immune function to sleep quality.
Your capacity to process difficult emotions expands dramatically with someone who consistently shows up for you, even without words.
Your nervous system craves predictability. A long-term partner represents a known regulatory pattern that helps maintain baseline homeostasis—creating a biological “home base” that’s deeply stabilizing.
For many men, especially those with limited other sources of deep co-regulation, these benefits may outweigh sexual dissatisfaction. Consider how many men report feeling “at peace” at home despite minimal sexual connection—their nervous systems are receiving significant regulatory benefits.
This also explains why leaving feels so threatening beyond just practical considerations. Disconnecting an integrated regulatory system that has developed over years registers in our survival-oriented brains as a fundamental threat.
This isn’t to suggest people should stay in unfulfilling relationships—rather, it helps explain why many do, and points to the importance of developing broader regulatory networks before making relationship transitions.
I thought I would give you another causal model based on neuroscience which might help.
I think your models are missing a core biological mechanism: nervous system co-regulation.
Most analyses of relationship value focus on measurable exchanges (sex, childcare, financial support), but overlook how humans are fundamentally regulatory beings. Our nervous systems evolved to stabilize through connection with others.
When you share your life with someone, your biological systems become coupled. This creates several important values:
Your stress response systems synchronize and buffer each other. A partner’s presence literally changes how your body processes stress hormones—creating measurable physiological benefits that affect everything from immune function to sleep quality.
Your capacity to process difficult emotions expands dramatically with someone who consistently shows up for you, even without words.
Your nervous system craves predictability. A long-term partner represents a known regulatory pattern that helps maintain baseline homeostasis—creating a biological “home base” that’s deeply stabilizing.
For many men, especially those with limited other sources of deep co-regulation, these benefits may outweigh sexual dissatisfaction. Consider how many men report feeling “at peace” at home despite minimal sexual connection—their nervous systems are receiving significant regulatory benefits.
This also explains why leaving feels so threatening beyond just practical considerations. Disconnecting an integrated regulatory system that has developed over years registers in our survival-oriented brains as a fundamental threat.
This isn’t to suggest people should stay in unfulfilling relationships—rather, it helps explain why many do, and points to the importance of developing broader regulatory networks before making relationship transitions.