I would hazard that many red flags—”obvious indicators of danger” are much more clearly seen in hindsight or out of context—these red flags might not have been quite so obvious to these women in abusive relationships. Using words like “ignoring” implies active agency on their part.
This type of statement strikes me as being a very likely reason “normal male” was used as a descriptor. If she allowed herself to be put on the stand for “failing” to see the warning signs, then, in a potential critic’s mind, she might be implicitly bearing partial blame, and thus her message might be safely ignored (not that I agree with that—I’m merely stating that this is a common attitude that could easily be expected. “She didn’t get out so she’s partly to blame for being abused.”) To avoid this, she hastened to point out that there was no way in which he did differentiate himself from other men, no “red flags” she’d missed.
More simply, a strong aversion to a common trend of blaming the victim and a desire to skip past that part of the critique.
I am making no statements about you in particular—merely that that’s an easy interpretation of your comment.
I would hazard that many red flags—”obvious indicators of danger” are much more clearly seen in hindsight or out of context—these red flags might not have been quite so obvious to these women in abusive relationships. Using words like “ignoring” implies active agency on their part.
I’m guessing the thing you would hazard is a guess? You would hazard a guess?
Personally, I am going by experience. The two women I know who were abused were abused REPEATEDLY before they left the abusive relationship. Now I don’t know what your relationships are like but I have never “accidentally” hit or even shoved a woman I was in a relationship with. But these women I know who were in abusive relationships overlooked being hit. They overlooked being hit again. I couldn’t tell you how many times they overlooked being hit, I have the impression it was a fair number, before the abuse that finally rose to the level of scaring the shit out of them, that made them realize they were risking their lives, happened, and they finally left the relationships.
So I am not hazarding a guess. I may be generalizing from a small data set, but it is not a guess. Of the two women who have been abused that I personally know, 100% of them overlooked at least two instances of violence against them by their significant other before finally leaving. And both of them were pretty frightened for their lives before they finally left, rather deliberately overlooking mere bruising and hitting.
I would hazard that many red flags—”obvious indicators of danger” are much more clearly seen in hindsight or out of context—these red flags might not have been quite so obvious to these women in abusive relationships. Using words like “ignoring” implies active agency on their part.
This type of statement strikes me as being a very likely reason “normal male” was used as a descriptor. If she allowed herself to be put on the stand for “failing” to see the warning signs, then, in a potential critic’s mind, she might be implicitly bearing partial blame, and thus her message might be safely ignored (not that I agree with that—I’m merely stating that this is a common attitude that could easily be expected. “She didn’t get out so she’s partly to blame for being abused.”) To avoid this, she hastened to point out that there was no way in which he did differentiate himself from other men, no “red flags” she’d missed.
More simply, a strong aversion to a common trend of blaming the victim and a desire to skip past that part of the critique.
I am making no statements about you in particular—merely that that’s an easy interpretation of your comment.
I’m guessing the thing you would hazard is a guess? You would hazard a guess?
Personally, I am going by experience. The two women I know who were abused were abused REPEATEDLY before they left the abusive relationship. Now I don’t know what your relationships are like but I have never “accidentally” hit or even shoved a woman I was in a relationship with. But these women I know who were in abusive relationships overlooked being hit. They overlooked being hit again. I couldn’t tell you how many times they overlooked being hit, I have the impression it was a fair number, before the abuse that finally rose to the level of scaring the shit out of them, that made them realize they were risking their lives, happened, and they finally left the relationships.
So I am not hazarding a guess. I may be generalizing from a small data set, but it is not a guess. Of the two women who have been abused that I personally know, 100% of them overlooked at least two instances of violence against them by their significant other before finally leaving. And both of them were pretty frightened for their lives before they finally left, rather deliberately overlooking mere bruising and hitting.