I understood the prompt as “get your ass to the moon” (Buzz Aldrin reference), and there are actually quite a few solutions here that are interesting because of that extra constraint. I would suggest scrolling ahead after the obvious solutions:
Tower of fire: find something very flammable and put it within a cylinder of something not flammable, then push the fire in the right direction and exploit Newton’s third law
Giant slingshot: nobody really cares about your organs anyway (well the black market does but we’re remaining strictly legal here) so we’re just gonna use that, ey? The same disclaimer applies for whatever comes next.
Very very very large piece of rope attached to a stone and catapulted up with the slingshot (or a catapult). Once the rock lands (it’ll blend in nicely with the other craters) you’ll have a very solid piece of rope spinning all over the place, so hang on tight.
Easier option: use that last strategy to hook yourself to the ISS (you may kill a few astronauts in the process but that’s okay the ends justify the means) and then pull yourself up. Bring the slingshot along with you, and throw yourself from the ISS toward the Moon.
Get a very big plaque of metal and then head over to Los Alamos and drag a few dusty rice cookers (“rice cookers” is a euphemism) out of the basement and aim for the moon before detonating.
Take a whole lot of drugs and then stare at the moon and think There’s no place like the moon there’s no place like the moon there’s no place like the moon
A very large balloon filled with absolute emptiness. ABSOLUTE emptiness. Now wait till you are gradually sucked up into the sky until you reach lunar orbit.
Pray to the soul of Neil Armstrong and use dark magic to bring him back to life: then use his ghost, which is naturally attracted to it, to bring you to the moon. Alternatively, use whatever machine they used in Nolan’s Tenet to reverse Neil’s entropy, and then hitch a ride with him as he reverse-lands on the moon.
Head over to CIA headquarters, break into their basement, and walk onto the moon landing set.
Alternatively, break into Roscosmos headquarters and look up top secret projects for getting to the moon. They probably have a set there too, they just couldn’t fake it in time because in all things Hollywood, the US beat them.
Get a degree in genetics and engineer a dragon. Who hasn’t dreamt of getting to the moon on the back of a dragon? The dragon can use Newton’s third law to push itself forward once wings no longer work.
Alternatively, build a space squid. Science fiction novels love imagining space as an ocean (think of Carl Sagan as well) and so why not make it a reality? A vacuum-defying squid it is! You can design its esophagus to be habitable so that it can keep you nice and warm!
Go to France and bring Cyrano de Bergerac back from the dead using dark rituals. He may have only devised 6 methods to get to the moon, but he’ll be invaluable in your brainstorming process. Yeah, don’t forget the meta-problem; if you can’t figure out how to get to the moon, then find someone who can!
You know those long sticks they use in the olympics? In French that’s saut à la perche. So yeah, find a very long stick and push yourself up and bam!
Find that one cow that jumped over the moon I forgot whomst it was.
Use that occult dark magic again (you should be used to it by now) to bring Archimedes back to the realm of the living, and find sufficient leverage and a place for him to sit in order for him to move the world. Have him move Earth toward the moon. Why go to the moon when the moon can come to you?
Don’t bring Shakespeare back from the dead. Rather, apply this Orwell quote: “if there is such a thing as turning in your grave, then Shakespeare must be getting a lot of exercise”. Harness the perpetual motion machine that is William Shakespeare to push yourself toward the stars!
Make the tides more extreme. Build a giant magnetic engine and make the tides so extreme that when the oceans are pulled toward the moon, they get all the way there. Because you will be within a giant plume of outstretched seawater, you will be safe from the vacuum of space. People will call you super-Moses for the rest of time.
Summon the dinosaurs again using occult genetic techniques, and harness their legendary bad luck to attract another asteroid. Put the dinos in the right place, though, so that the asteroid veers into the moon and pushes it toward us!
Yo mama’s so fat, that she’s gravitationally pulling the moon toward her. Keep it up, mama!
Get the fertility rate in turtles to go up (think of old Diego) and then draw inspiration from Dr.Seuss to build a very large pile of turtles.
Those people back in biblical Babylon seem pretty good at engineering large buildings. Find their graves and have a corpse-summoning palooza, before getting them to work again. Google Translate makes the eternal curse of the wrath of the Almighty a trifle.
Summon Jesus. This presumably does not require dark magic. I think he can fly.
Summon the Devil. Have him open a gate to hell in lake Baikal, and then position yourself on a boat on that lake. The extreme heat of Hell will make the water boil suddenly, and you will find yourself projected towards the moon.
Bring Rapunzel back from non-existence using occult dark magic and then harness the power of her hair to build a sturdy bridge to the moon.
Did you know trees literally never stop growing? Genetically modify one for it to grow reeaaaally fast and ta-dah, a bridge! Ideally, Lao Tzu would argue, this would be a giant blade of grass instead of a tree.
Continue pumping gas into the atmosphere! Convert metals (astronomy definition of “metal”) from the Earth’s core into gasses, and then inject them into the atmosphere. After enough time, the atmosphere will become so wide a bubble around the Earth that the moon will be brought down through constant friction.
Have a Paperclip Maximizer produce a very large pile of paperclips for you. Then, assemble millions of fellow humans to painstakingly unfold these paperclips and turn them into a large bridge to connect to the moon with.
Use lasers on Earth to carve a silicon microchip (lunar regolith is composed of 20% silicon) from afar, and then program that chip, again from afar, to run your consciousness on it. (If you are worried about this not being “you” on the moon, then go the ship of Theseus route and gradually turn your brain into a microchip on the moon. :D)
You know those CEOs and those kindergarteners from the spaghetti experiment that were so good at building towers of spaghetti? Yeah, hire those to be your chief architects and build a spaghetti tower to the moon (Lao Tzu would be proud because spaghetti, at least when boiled in lake Baikal, is flexible). Disclaimer: this plan may require you to take over Italy, which might add some coordination problems to your original problem.
Blood is thicker than water, is it not? Use blood to pressurize a water cannon to an excessive degree, and then shoot yourself out the other end. The things we do for puns smh.
Break into an insane asylum and find a lunatic. They’ve already been on the moon.
Get yourself a gigantic army of wolves, and then find a few million ledges for them to stand on. Then, all in sync, have them howl at the moon in such a way that the air will become highly pressurized and will allow you to propulse yourself to it.
Hear me out here: A GIANT FROG. Build a giant frog and hop to the moon! Kangaroos work alternatively, but because their mating cycles (get it, cause it’s Australia mate?) take more time, breeding them into giants will take a while more.
Harness the hardly believable and incredible power of pseudoscience to use Lamark’s theory of transformism and wait till a giraffe stretches it neck toward the moon enough for its neck to be long enough for you to get to the moon.
Contact the little-known alien city of Zgroobulon, which can be found in the Sea of Tranquility, and dare them to do the “find 50 ways to get to Earth” challenge, then shamelessly steal their best idea and reverse it.
What is the largest champagne bottle ever made? If your capsule were to take the place of the cork, could you send yourself to the moon as a simple byproduct of humanity doing what it does best? Disclaimer: this may involve taking over France, which might be a great deal more difficult than taking over Italy because contrary to popular knowledge, the guillotines in their museums have not yet rusted and are perfectly functional.
You know how Apollo left a few mirrors on the moon for our lasers to bounce off of? Well send much more powerful lasers now in order for the moon to start spinning on itself faster. If you spin it for long enough, it will flatten out into a very thin disk, thin enough that it will touch Earth and all you have to do is walk onto it! As a bonus, you can even use your lasers from the microchip idea to program a song onto the Moon and turn it into the largest record there every was!
Convince all established academics in the world that we got it all wrong; the moon isn’t orbiting Earth; Earth is orbiting the moon! Therefore, one can argue, we are the moon and it is the planet. Welcome to the moon!
You know how DNA is very thin and if you stretched all the DNA out in your body it would be longer than the 150,000 round trips to the moon? Yeah, just program your consciousness onto some DNA, and then send that to the moon with a few bacteria to develop life there; with 150,000 round trips, you’ll have some backup, too. Wait until the extremophiles you sent there develop into an intelligent civilisation: then, when the scientists of this lunar civilisation are peering into their genetic code to see what it looks like, have them discover the inscribed words “never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down” and then activate the procedure which reprograms all their brains into your consciousness, based on the information you programmed. Now you have an entire civilisation of hive-minded lunar inhabitants at your disposal, too!
Set off a bout of Kessler syndrome in just the right way for a shower of debris to hit lake Baikal and comically hurl you toward the moon as a consequence.
Click the button on your Infinite Improbability Drive until it gives you space whales able to fly to the moon using roller skates.
Set up vast testing facilities to empirically test every oil lamp in Iraq in order to find a lamp with a genie inside. Ask that genie to transport you to the moon. Disclaimer: This may involve invading Iraq, but there’s precedent for that so you’ll probably be fine.
Find an obscure but legit voodoo sorcerer and have him build a voodoo doll of you. Then slingshot that voodoo doll to the moon and call it a day!
If that doesn’t work, further question the voodoo sorcerer until he tells you, with a flare of melodramatic lightning, where you are going to die. Then destroy that place and repeat, until you get “the moon” for your death place. To die there, you have to get there first, right? Exploit the formidable power of the Charlie Munger quote: “all I want to know is where I’m going to die, so that I can avoid it forever.”
Using a kugelblitz black hole (or a neutron star bullet) to get attracted by the immediate gravitational pull of it, and then have some magnets or something push the black hole toward the moon. Make sure to ignore the tremendous amount of energy the black hole is giving off, and also ignore the fact that its pulling at your organs in different ways and also that you are experiencing time slower than those around you and the fact that your organs are each experiencing a different time zone, so to speak.
Use occult dark magic to possess the body of a tardigrade, and then slingshot it to the moon.
Use a graviton machine to twist the very fabric of spacetime in a way that makes you “slide” toward the moon for no other reason than the very geometry of the universe!
Use rocket engines or something to speed up Earth’s rotation to insane levels, and then just stop the thing at once. Ignore the obscenely large winds and tsunamis that put Interstellar to shame and then climb the giant mountain chain that will at this point spontaneously and temporarily appear on the equator as Earth’s innards are gutlessly expunged toward the outside. The mountains, if you’ve spinned Earth fast enough, will be tall enough to reach the moon. Centrifugal force rocks!
Become a monk that has such mental discipline and rigor that they are able to levitate. Then, get enough additional discipline and rigor to push yourself all the way to the moon. You’ll get insane spiritual enlightenment as a bonus, enough to put idea 6 to shame.
I’m sure they have interesting objects you can exploit in Area 51.
Organize humans around you and build the Apollo project. Duh. Also smile at yourself because it’s people who shared 99.99% of your DNA, so basically you let’s be honest here, that got the moon for real.
I understood the prompt as “get your ass to the moon” (Buzz Aldrin reference), and there are actually quite a few solutions here that are interesting because of that extra constraint. I would suggest scrolling ahead after the obvious solutions:
Tower of fire: find something very flammable and put it within a cylinder of something not flammable, then push the fire in the right direction and exploit Newton’s third law
Giant slingshot: nobody really cares about your organs anyway (well the black market does but we’re remaining strictly legal here) so we’re just gonna use that, ey? The same disclaimer applies for whatever comes next.
Very very very large piece of rope attached to a stone and catapulted up with the slingshot (or a catapult). Once the rock lands (it’ll blend in nicely with the other craters) you’ll have a very solid piece of rope spinning all over the place, so hang on tight.
Easier option: use that last strategy to hook yourself to the ISS (you may kill a few astronauts in the process but that’s okay the ends justify the means) and then pull yourself up. Bring the slingshot along with you, and throw yourself from the ISS toward the Moon.
Get a very big plaque of metal and then head over to Los Alamos and drag a few dusty rice cookers (“rice cookers” is a euphemism) out of the basement and aim for the moon before detonating.
Take a whole lot of drugs and then stare at the moon and think There’s no place like the moon there’s no place like the moon there’s no place like the moon
A very large balloon filled with absolute emptiness. ABSOLUTE emptiness. Now wait till you are gradually sucked up into the sky until you reach lunar orbit.
Pray to the soul of Neil Armstrong and use dark magic to bring him back to life: then use his ghost, which is naturally attracted to it, to bring you to the moon. Alternatively, use whatever machine they used in Nolan’s Tenet to reverse Neil’s entropy, and then hitch a ride with him as he reverse-lands on the moon.
Head over to CIA headquarters, break into their basement, and walk onto the moon landing set.
Alternatively, break into Roscosmos headquarters and look up top secret projects for getting to the moon. They probably have a set there too, they just couldn’t fake it in time because in all things Hollywood, the US beat them.
Get a degree in genetics and engineer a dragon. Who hasn’t dreamt of getting to the moon on the back of a dragon? The dragon can use Newton’s third law to push itself forward once wings no longer work.
Alternatively, build a space squid. Science fiction novels love imagining space as an ocean (think of Carl Sagan as well) and so why not make it a reality? A vacuum-defying squid it is! You can design its esophagus to be habitable so that it can keep you nice and warm!
Go to France and bring Cyrano de Bergerac back from the dead using dark rituals. He may have only devised 6 methods to get to the moon, but he’ll be invaluable in your brainstorming process. Yeah, don’t forget the meta-problem; if you can’t figure out how to get to the moon, then find someone who can!
You know those long sticks they use in the olympics? In French that’s saut à la perche. So yeah, find a very long stick and push yourself up and bam!
Find that one cow that jumped over the moon I forgot whomst it was.
Use that occult dark magic again (you should be used to it by now) to bring Archimedes back to the realm of the living, and find sufficient leverage and a place for him to sit in order for him to move the world. Have him move Earth toward the moon. Why go to the moon when the moon can come to you?
Don’t bring Shakespeare back from the dead. Rather, apply this Orwell quote: “if there is such a thing as turning in your grave, then Shakespeare must be getting a lot of exercise”. Harness the perpetual motion machine that is William Shakespeare to push yourself toward the stars!
Make the tides more extreme. Build a giant magnetic engine and make the tides so extreme that when the oceans are pulled toward the moon, they get all the way there. Because you will be within a giant plume of outstretched seawater, you will be safe from the vacuum of space. People will call you super-Moses for the rest of time.
Summon the dinosaurs again using occult genetic techniques, and harness their legendary bad luck to attract another asteroid. Put the dinos in the right place, though, so that the asteroid veers into the moon and pushes it toward us!
Yo mama’s so fat, that she’s gravitationally pulling the moon toward her. Keep it up, mama!
Get the fertility rate in turtles to go up (think of old Diego) and then draw inspiration from Dr.Seuss to build a very large pile of turtles.
Those people back in biblical Babylon seem pretty good at engineering large buildings. Find their graves and have a corpse-summoning palooza, before getting them to work again. Google Translate makes the eternal curse of the wrath of the Almighty a trifle.
Summon Jesus. This presumably does not require dark magic. I think he can fly.
Summon the Devil. Have him open a gate to hell in lake Baikal, and then position yourself on a boat on that lake. The extreme heat of Hell will make the water boil suddenly, and you will find yourself projected towards the moon.
Bring Rapunzel back from non-existence using occult dark magic and then harness the power of her hair to build a sturdy bridge to the moon.
Did you know trees literally never stop growing? Genetically modify one for it to grow reeaaaally fast and ta-dah, a bridge! Ideally, Lao Tzu would argue, this would be a giant blade of grass instead of a tree.
Continue pumping gas into the atmosphere! Convert metals (astronomy definition of “metal”) from the Earth’s core into gasses, and then inject them into the atmosphere. After enough time, the atmosphere will become so wide a bubble around the Earth that the moon will be brought down through constant friction.
Have a Paperclip Maximizer produce a very large pile of paperclips for you. Then, assemble millions of fellow humans to painstakingly unfold these paperclips and turn them into a large bridge to connect to the moon with.
Use lasers on Earth to carve a silicon microchip (lunar regolith is composed of 20% silicon) from afar, and then program that chip, again from afar, to run your consciousness on it. (If you are worried about this not being “you” on the moon, then go the ship of Theseus route and gradually turn your brain into a microchip on the moon. :D)
You know those CEOs and those kindergarteners from the spaghetti experiment that were so good at building towers of spaghetti? Yeah, hire those to be your chief architects and build a spaghetti tower to the moon (Lao Tzu would be proud because spaghetti, at least when boiled in lake Baikal, is flexible). Disclaimer: this plan may require you to take over Italy, which might add some coordination problems to your original problem.
Blood is thicker than water, is it not? Use blood to pressurize a water cannon to an excessive degree, and then shoot yourself out the other end. The things we do for puns smh.
Break into an insane asylum and find a lunatic. They’ve already been on the moon.
Get yourself a gigantic army of wolves, and then find a few million ledges for them to stand on. Then, all in sync, have them howl at the moon in such a way that the air will become highly pressurized and will allow you to propulse yourself to it.
Hear me out here: A GIANT FROG. Build a giant frog and hop to the moon! Kangaroos work alternatively, but because their mating cycles (get it, cause it’s Australia mate?) take more time, breeding them into giants will take a while more.
Harness the hardly believable and incredible power of pseudoscience to use Lamark’s theory of transformism and wait till a giraffe stretches it neck toward the moon enough for its neck to be long enough for you to get to the moon.
Contact the little-known alien city of Zgroobulon, which can be found in the Sea of Tranquility, and dare them to do the “find 50 ways to get to Earth” challenge, then shamelessly steal their best idea and reverse it.
What is the largest champagne bottle ever made? If your capsule were to take the place of the cork, could you send yourself to the moon as a simple byproduct of humanity doing what it does best? Disclaimer: this may involve taking over France, which might be a great deal more difficult than taking over Italy because contrary to popular knowledge, the guillotines in their museums have not yet rusted and are perfectly functional.
You know how Apollo left a few mirrors on the moon for our lasers to bounce off of? Well send much more powerful lasers now in order for the moon to start spinning on itself faster. If you spin it for long enough, it will flatten out into a very thin disk, thin enough that it will touch Earth and all you have to do is walk onto it! As a bonus, you can even use your lasers from the microchip idea to program a song onto the Moon and turn it into the largest record there every was!
Convince all established academics in the world that we got it all wrong; the moon isn’t orbiting Earth; Earth is orbiting the moon! Therefore, one can argue, we are the moon and it is the planet. Welcome to the moon!
You know how DNA is very thin and if you stretched all the DNA out in your body it would be longer than the 150,000 round trips to the moon? Yeah, just program your consciousness onto some DNA, and then send that to the moon with a few bacteria to develop life there; with 150,000 round trips, you’ll have some backup, too. Wait until the extremophiles you sent there develop into an intelligent civilisation: then, when the scientists of this lunar civilisation are peering into their genetic code to see what it looks like, have them discover the inscribed words “never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down” and then activate the procedure which reprograms all their brains into your consciousness, based on the information you programmed. Now you have an entire civilisation of hive-minded lunar inhabitants at your disposal, too!
Set off a bout of Kessler syndrome in just the right way for a shower of debris to hit lake Baikal and comically hurl you toward the moon as a consequence.
Click the button on your Infinite Improbability Drive until it gives you space whales able to fly to the moon using roller skates.
Set up vast testing facilities to empirically test every oil lamp in Iraq in order to find a lamp with a genie inside. Ask that genie to transport you to the moon. Disclaimer: This may involve invading Iraq, but there’s precedent for that so you’ll probably be fine.
Find an obscure but legit voodoo sorcerer and have him build a voodoo doll of you. Then slingshot that voodoo doll to the moon and call it a day!
If that doesn’t work, further question the voodoo sorcerer until he tells you, with a flare of melodramatic lightning, where you are going to die. Then destroy that place and repeat, until you get “the moon” for your death place. To die there, you have to get there first, right? Exploit the formidable power of the Charlie Munger quote: “all I want to know is where I’m going to die, so that I can avoid it forever.”
Using a kugelblitz black hole (or a neutron star bullet) to get attracted by the immediate gravitational pull of it, and then have some magnets or something push the black hole toward the moon. Make sure to ignore the tremendous amount of energy the black hole is giving off, and also ignore the fact that its pulling at your organs in different ways and also that you are experiencing time slower than those around you and the fact that your organs are each experiencing a different time zone, so to speak.
Use occult dark magic to possess the body of a tardigrade, and then slingshot it to the moon.
Use a graviton machine to twist the very fabric of spacetime in a way that makes you “slide” toward the moon for no other reason than the very geometry of the universe!
Use rocket engines or something to speed up Earth’s rotation to insane levels, and then just stop the thing at once. Ignore the obscenely large winds and tsunamis that put Interstellar to shame and then climb the giant mountain chain that will at this point spontaneously and temporarily appear on the equator as Earth’s innards are gutlessly expunged toward the outside. The mountains, if you’ve spinned Earth fast enough, will be tall enough to reach the moon. Centrifugal force rocks!
Become a monk that has such mental discipline and rigor that they are able to levitate. Then, get enough additional discipline and rigor to push yourself all the way to the moon. You’ll get insane spiritual enlightenment as a bonus, enough to put idea 6 to shame.
I’m sure they have interesting objects you can exploit in Area 51.
Organize humans around you and build the Apollo project. Duh. Also smile at yourself because it’s people who shared 99.99% of your DNA, so basically you let’s be honest here, that got the moon for real.