I try to treat my emotions in the following way: Emotions just ″are″ and as such carry information only about emotions themselves. They have meaning only in relation to other emotions, both mine and those of others. I’ve found that the most effective way to consistently take the outside view. Once I made that leap, it became much easier to apply rationality in mastering them for my own benefit. I can collect empirical data about my emotions and make predictions about my emotions. I can devise strategies to change my emotions and then assess whether they work. If you feel sad and it’s raining today, you might infer that rain leads to an increased probability of sadness. If you feel excited about a job opportunity, you might infer that you will generally be happy on a day to day basis. If I meet someone and feel comfortable talking to them, that’s only an indication that I will feel comfortable talking to them in the future. And if you pay attention for long enough, you realize that many emotions are ultimately harmless. If you stop feeding them, they drift away, they pass.
It is partly a dissociative approach, being a spectator to your own emotions (as mentioned by EE43026F). But at the same time, it’s like treating your emotions as you treat your toes. They are a part of you, but they’re only mildly informative about whether you should change careers.
Looking back on what I just wrote, I should also say that dealing with emotions is a skill. I don’t mean to suggest that one little insight outweighs practice. About two years and a half years ago I made a commitment to not be some completely oblivious to emotions and it’s taken a while to develop the skills. The simplest skill is just identifying emotions. At various points of the day, ask yourself how you are feeling. When I started, I literally could not give a verbal response, I could not produce a word describing how I felt.
Looking back on what I just wrote, I should also say that dealing with emotions is a skill.
Have you read Alicorn’s Luminosity sequence? If not, you might find it relevant.
Also, I’ve discovered the same thing as you: dealing with emotions is hard-to-develop skill. I’m pretty good at identifying my emotions, maybe even better than most people, and if I have time to sit down and think about it, I’m pretty good at dissecting what is causing them. So far that has not made it any easier to control them, or to get rid of my automatic negative responses to things that I don’t want to respond negatively to. Just knowing what my emotions are and what is causing them isn’t enough.
I try to treat my emotions in the following way: Emotions just ″are″ and as such carry information only about emotions themselves. They have meaning only in relation to other emotions, both mine and those of others. I’ve found that the most effective way to consistently take the outside view. Once I made that leap, it became much easier to apply rationality in mastering them for my own benefit. I can collect empirical data about my emotions and make predictions about my emotions. I can devise strategies to change my emotions and then assess whether they work. If you feel sad and it’s raining today, you might infer that rain leads to an increased probability of sadness. If you feel excited about a job opportunity, you might infer that you will generally be happy on a day to day basis. If I meet someone and feel comfortable talking to them, that’s only an indication that I will feel comfortable talking to them in the future. And if you pay attention for long enough, you realize that many emotions are ultimately harmless. If you stop feeding them, they drift away, they pass.
It is partly a dissociative approach, being a spectator to your own emotions (as mentioned by EE43026F). But at the same time, it’s like treating your emotions as you treat your toes. They are a part of you, but they’re only mildly informative about whether you should change careers.
Looking back on what I just wrote, I should also say that dealing with emotions is a skill. I don’t mean to suggest that one little insight outweighs practice. About two years and a half years ago I made a commitment to not be some completely oblivious to emotions and it’s taken a while to develop the skills. The simplest skill is just identifying emotions. At various points of the day, ask yourself how you are feeling. When I started, I literally could not give a verbal response, I could not produce a word describing how I felt.
Have you read Alicorn’s Luminosity sequence? If not, you might find it relevant.
Also, I’ve discovered the same thing as you: dealing with emotions is hard-to-develop skill. I’m pretty good at identifying my emotions, maybe even better than most people, and if I have time to sit down and think about it, I’m pretty good at dissecting what is causing them. So far that has not made it any easier to control them, or to get rid of my automatic negative responses to things that I don’t want to respond negatively to. Just knowing what my emotions are and what is causing them isn’t enough.