There’s a lot in this post, so thoughts on just one part of it.
For men, their primary gendered psychology need seems to be something vaguely like respect. For women, their primary gendered psychology need seems to be something like commitment. This plays out in lots of interesting ways when you look at how men interact with each other, how women interact with each other, and how men and women interact in mixed company.
This simply story explains many things:
Men like to do things that make them feel powerful and worthy of respect, even if it’s simulated.
Men try to cling to respect and many male pathologies are the result of trying to game respect.
Women like to be part of committed relationships, and form strong bonds with other women to mutually get that, even though they also want commitment from one or more men.
Women have analogous pathologies that result from trying to game commitment.
Mismatches in the dating marking happen due to misalignments:
Men want women to respect them, and do things to try to earn the respect of women,
but the things men do to try to earn respect aren’t always things women will actually respect, and this results in frustration and resentment when men feel like they should be respected but aren’t.
Women want commitment from men, and do things to try to get men to commit,
but men have incentives to avoid commitment so they are free to consider other partners, and women get frustrated with men who won’t commit, even though they may not be doing things that give their male partner any good reasons to commit to them.
Obvious caveats: both men and women want respect and commitment, but respect is way more important to men and commitment is way more important to women. There are nearby things to both respect and commitment that are subtly different and that both sexes want, like prestige and loyalty. And yes this leaves out people who fall far from the male and female clusters.
There’s a lot in this post, so thoughts on just one part of it.
For men, their primary gendered psychology need seems to be something vaguely like respect. For women, their primary gendered psychology need seems to be something like commitment. This plays out in lots of interesting ways when you look at how men interact with each other, how women interact with each other, and how men and women interact in mixed company.
This simply story explains many things:
Men like to do things that make them feel powerful and worthy of respect, even if it’s simulated.
Men try to cling to respect and many male pathologies are the result of trying to game respect.
Women like to be part of committed relationships, and form strong bonds with other women to mutually get that, even though they also want commitment from one or more men.
Women have analogous pathologies that result from trying to game commitment.
Mismatches in the dating marking happen due to misalignments:
Men want women to respect them, and do things to try to earn the respect of women,
but the things men do to try to earn respect aren’t always things women will actually respect, and this results in frustration and resentment when men feel like they should be respected but aren’t.
Women want commitment from men, and do things to try to get men to commit,
but men have incentives to avoid commitment so they are free to consider other partners, and women get frustrated with men who won’t commit, even though they may not be doing things that give their male partner any good reasons to commit to them.
Obvious caveats: both men and women want respect and commitment, but respect is way more important to men and commitment is way more important to women. There are nearby things to both respect and commitment that are subtly different and that both sexes want, like prestige and loyalty. And yes this leaves out people who fall far from the male and female clusters.