Someone who’s specifically drawn to something which I myself am ashamed of?
You being ashamed of something doesn’t necessarily mean that you think it’s bad. Maybe you think it’s good, but fear that you will be unable to find other people who agree with you. i.e. you might diverge from the norm and fear that people won’t understand and that they will judge you for it.
But I’m getting the feeling that, to you, there’s not much difference between the norm and yourself? It feels as if you’ve fused with the general consensus and the values associated with your intellectual purpuits, to the point that they’ve replaced your own values and your own opinions about yourself. So that your subjective “good (enjoyment and love)”, and the external “good (utility and progress)” have become one.
From more objective perspectives, this is “good”, it doesn’t really seem to bring disadvantages with it. But I personally find a lot of fulfillment in the social aspects of life, the whole package deal with all the problems and disadvantages.
By the way, there are things that I don’t like in a partner, and think that I don’t mind but still recognize as bad, and these are different categories. I wouldn’t want my partner to spend time around druggies, but I wouldn’t turn down a girl because she had trauma, even though trauma is “bad”. As long as it’s something she’d work on in the long run, it wouldn’t worry me.
You being ashamed of something doesn’t necessarily mean that you think it’s bad. Maybe you think it’s good, but fear that you will be unable to find other people who agree with you. i.e. you might diverge from the norm and fear that people won’t understand and that they will judge you for it.
But I’m getting the feeling that, to you, there’s not much difference between the norm and yourself? It feels as if you’ve fused with the general consensus and the values associated with your intellectual purpuits, to the point that they’ve replaced your own values and your own opinions about yourself. So that your subjective “good (enjoyment and love)”, and the external “good (utility and progress)” have become one.
From more objective perspectives, this is “good”, it doesn’t really seem to bring disadvantages with it. But I personally find a lot of fulfillment in the social aspects of life, the whole package deal with all the problems and disadvantages.
By the way, there are things that I don’t like in a partner, and think that I don’t mind but still recognize as bad, and these are different categories. I wouldn’t want my partner to spend time around druggies, but I wouldn’t turn down a girl because she had trauma, even though trauma is “bad”. As long as it’s something she’d work on in the long run, it wouldn’t worry me.