Forgive me if this has been adressed elsewhere, but doesn’t the knowledge that you are -trying- to like them get in the way of success? You will always know that you are liking them on purpose and applying these techniques to make yourself like them, so how do you avoid this knowledge breaking the desired effect?
Why would that knowledge be a problem? Do cars stop working when you know how they work? Do you stop enjoying sex when you use birth control?
In fact, it’s more likely to be the other way. You know that you’re putting in the effort to like them, so your mind will backwards rationalize that to conclude that they must be worth liking (or you wouldn’t put in the effort).
Do you stop enjoying sex when you use birth control?
I stop enjoying sex when the other person isn’t really aroused. The mechanisms for detecting affect evolved before language and abstract cognition. There is good reason to believe that it takes a whole lot of effort to alter or falsify them. These mechanisms are tools, we are stuck with them, so it behooves us to use them optimally. I think trying to like someone is suboptimal.
Someone trying to like me is like a rapid-onset smile. Someone who simply likes me is like a slow-onset smile.
Instead of trying to like things because it’s instrumentally useful, I think it’s far better to strive for optimal instrumentality from one’s liking.
The former would be like learning about a genre of music because it’s popular. The latter is like delving into a genre of music because one finds it moving. Great things come out of the latter. Mediocrity comes out of the former.
(Underlying this debate is the erroneous notion of the “blank slate.” Our emotions are not a blank slate. They are a finely tuned processing and guidance mechanism, just not tuned for our present circumstances.)
Why would that knowledge be a problem? Do cars stop working when you know
how they work?
That isn’t a good analogy. Many humans have trouble actively trying to change their own emotional or belief states. The analogy that might be more appropriate is trying to deceive oneself into believing a false statement. I don’t think that the analogy quite holds either liking someone is much closer to an emotional setting. It is thus closer to someone say deliberately conditioning themselves in some way. Even if you know, you are doing it, you can still use fairly primitive conditioning. But Nanani’s question is one that still requires some response: the car analogy is not sufficient.
Forgive me if this has been adressed elsewhere, but doesn’t the knowledge that you are -trying- to like them get in the way of success? You will always know that you are liking them on purpose and applying these techniques to make yourself like them, so how do you avoid this knowledge breaking the desired effect?
Why would that knowledge be a problem? Do cars stop working when you know how they work? Do you stop enjoying sex when you use birth control?
In fact, it’s more likely to be the other way. You know that you’re putting in the effort to like them, so your mind will backwards rationalize that to conclude that they must be worth liking (or you wouldn’t put in the effort).
I stop enjoying sex when the other person isn’t really aroused. The mechanisms for detecting affect evolved before language and abstract cognition. There is good reason to believe that it takes a whole lot of effort to alter or falsify them. These mechanisms are tools, we are stuck with them, so it behooves us to use them optimally. I think trying to like someone is suboptimal.
Someone trying to like me is like a rapid-onset smile. Someone who simply likes me is like a slow-onset smile.
Instead of trying to like things because it’s instrumentally useful, I think it’s far better to strive for optimal instrumentality from one’s liking.
The former would be like learning about a genre of music because it’s popular. The latter is like delving into a genre of music because one finds it moving. Great things come out of the latter. Mediocrity comes out of the former.
(Underlying this debate is the erroneous notion of the “blank slate.” Our emotions are not a blank slate. They are a finely tuned processing and guidance mechanism, just not tuned for our present circumstances.)
Ideally wouldn’t this be a loop, rather than either/or?
That isn’t a good analogy. Many humans have trouble actively trying to change their own emotional or belief states. The analogy that might be more appropriate is trying to deceive oneself into believing a false statement. I don’t think that the analogy quite holds either liking someone is much closer to an emotional setting. It is thus closer to someone say deliberately conditioning themselves in some way. Even if you know, you are doing it, you can still use fairly primitive conditioning. But Nanani’s question is one that still requires some response: the car analogy is not sufficient.