Do you mean on the first, or on the second, edited text ? If on the second then it is probably not a good idea for me try to repost this for the moment. I should first attempt to learn how to write more compellingly.
I think that this post still needs another rewrite. I would recommend making it shorter again, and using bullets and other organizational tools. Also, even just a full space between paragraphs would make it more readable. This is the first post that comes up, by the way, when you search ‘theism’.
Do you mean on the first, or on the second, edited text ? If on the second then it is probably not a good idea for me try to repost this for the moment. I should first attempt to learn how to write more compellingly.
Ooops, sorry, didn’t realise you’d already done the rewrite.
The rewrite is a definite improvement. I still feel you haven’t made your case, I’m afraid.
I feel my issue, beyond the poor writing style, is that I am making not one but two cases.
The case about theism in particular, and then a more general case about tolerance, which is linked to the theism problem, and contains it.
A good deal of what I wanted to say for the second case, as well as stuff I hadn’t thought of, has been better said in the recent It’s okay to be (at least a little) irrational post too.
I think that this post still needs another rewrite. I would recommend making it shorter again, and using bullets and other organizational tools. Also, even just a full space between paragraphs would make it more readable. This is the first post that comes up, by the way, when you search ‘theism’.