[Edit: Add Epistemic status] Epistemic status: I have used this successfully in the past and found it helpful. It is relatively easy to do.utilitytime_investment is large for me.
I think it is helpful to be able to emotionally detach yourself from your ideas. There is an implicit “concept of I” in our minds. When somebody criticizes this “concept of I”, it is painful. If somebody says “You suck”, that hurts.
There is an implicit assumption in the mind that this concept of “I” is eternal. This has the effect, that when somebody says “You suck”, it is actually more like they say “You sucked in the past, you suck now, and you will suck, always and ever”.
In order to emotionally detach yourself from your ideas, you need to sever the links in your mind, between your ideas and this “concept of I”. You need to see an idea as an object that is not related to you. Don’t see it as “your idea”, but just as an idea.
It might help to imagine that there is an idea-generation machine in your brain. That machine makes ideas magically appear in your perception as thoughts. Normally when somebody says “Your idea is dumb”, you feel hurt. But now we can translate “Your idea is dumb” to “There is idea-generating machinery in my brain. This machinery has produced some output. Somebody says this output is dumb”.
Instead of feeling hurt, you can think “Hmm, the idea-generating machinery in my brain produced an idea that this person thinks is bad. Well maybe they don’t understand my idea yet, and they criticize their idea of my idea, and not actually my idea. How can I make them understand?” This thought is a lot harder to have while being busy feeling hurt.
Or “Hmm, this person that I think is very competent thinks this idea is bad, and after thinking about it I agree that this idea is bad. Now how can I change the idea-generating machinery in my brain, such that in the future I will have better ideas?” That thought is a lot harder to have when you think that you yourself are the problem. What is that even supposed to mean that you yourself are the problem? This might not be a meaningful statement, but it is the default interpretation when somebody criticizes you.
The basic idea here is, to frame everything without any reference to yourself. It is not me producing a bad plan, but some mechanism that I just happened to observe the output of. In my experience, this not only helps alleviate pain but also makes you think thoughts that are more useful.
Here is a model of mine, that seems related.
[Edit: Add Epistemic status]
Epistemic status: I have used this successfully in the past and found it helpful. It is relatively easy to do.utilitytime_investment is large for me.
I think it is helpful to be able to emotionally detach yourself from your ideas. There is an implicit “concept of I” in our minds. When somebody criticizes this “concept of I”, it is painful. If somebody says “You suck”, that hurts.
There is an implicit assumption in the mind that this concept of “I” is eternal. This has the effect, that when somebody says “You suck”, it is actually more like they say “You sucked in the past, you suck now, and you will suck, always and ever”.
In order to emotionally detach yourself from your ideas, you need to sever the links in your mind, between your ideas and this “concept of I”. You need to see an idea as an object that is not related to you. Don’t see it as “your idea”, but just as an idea.
It might help to imagine that there is an idea-generation machine in your brain. That machine makes ideas magically appear in your perception as thoughts. Normally when somebody says “Your idea is dumb”, you feel hurt. But now we can translate “Your idea is dumb” to “There is idea-generating machinery in my brain. This machinery has produced some output. Somebody says this output is dumb”.
Instead of feeling hurt, you can think “Hmm, the idea-generating machinery in my brain produced an idea that this person thinks is bad. Well maybe they don’t understand my idea yet, and they criticize their idea of my idea, and not actually my idea. How can I make them understand?” This thought is a lot harder to have while being busy feeling hurt.
Or “Hmm, this person that I think is very competent thinks this idea is bad, and after thinking about it I agree that this idea is bad. Now how can I change the idea-generating machinery in my brain, such that in the future I will have better ideas?” That thought is a lot harder to have when you think that you yourself are the problem. What is that even supposed to mean that you yourself are the problem? This might not be a meaningful statement, but it is the default interpretation when somebody criticizes you.
The basic idea here is, to frame everything without any reference to yourself. It is not me producing a bad plan, but some mechanism that I just happened to observe the output of. In my experience, this not only helps alleviate pain but also makes you think thoughts that are more useful.