That sounds like an exhausting process without a way to judge openness to atheism quickly.
I think you could suss it out on the first date. You might have to use some trial-and-error—and conversations with other atheist men—in order to come up with the perfect line that raises the question without coming off as overly aggressive, but you can get a pretty good picture of how committed a woman is to her religion just by asking her.
The general advice to people with specific requirements (I admit I’m getting this from Dan Savage’s advice to people with particular sexual fetishes) is to disclose early, but to present it as a bonus rather than an onerous hurdle that must be overcome by potential prospects. So instead of “Just so you know, I have a foot fetish, so being with me means you’re gonna have to be into that” the foot guy would say something like “Your shoes are super hot. I kind of have a thing for feet. Do you like footrubs?”
Following that formula, I think the thing to avoid would be lines like “Just so you know, I don’t date religious wackos.” Maybe something like “I’m an atheist, so I’m always looking for ways to celebrate earthly life on Sunday mornings. Do you like strawberries and mimosas?” That’s just a stab at a formulation that could start the conversation without killing any romantic momentum you’ve got going at that point.
At the least, that advice presents a reasonably positive strategy, which is appreciated. My attempts to be realistic about this issue are certainly prone to drifting into the sort of pessimism that comes from spending my entire undergraduate career single.
Your situation is harder than the norm, it’s true, but it’s not impossible. There are atheist women out there, and you’ll meet them if you’re diligent about being social. It may just take you a little longer. I wish you luck!
But then you don’t actually have to really make real plans for Sunday mornings… just ask if they’re available then and see what they say when turning you down. “Sorry, I’d prefer the afternoon” is different to “Well, if you’d like you can come along to my church group” :)
Not necessarily. There are a fair number of Christians who strongly self-identify as Christian but don’t go to church that regularly (in the US at least there are some very weird patterns. People claim in surveys to be going to church much more frequently than church attendance rates suggest.) This also won’t rule out other common religious groups, such as semi-religious Jews.
I think you could suss it out on the first date. You might have to use some trial-and-error—and conversations with other atheist men—in order to come up with the perfect line that raises the question without coming off as overly aggressive, but you can get a pretty good picture of how committed a woman is to her religion just by asking her.
The general advice to people with specific requirements (I admit I’m getting this from Dan Savage’s advice to people with particular sexual fetishes) is to disclose early, but to present it as a bonus rather than an onerous hurdle that must be overcome by potential prospects. So instead of “Just so you know, I have a foot fetish, so being with me means you’re gonna have to be into that” the foot guy would say something like “Your shoes are super hot. I kind of have a thing for feet. Do you like footrubs?”
Following that formula, I think the thing to avoid would be lines like “Just so you know, I don’t date religious wackos.” Maybe something like “I’m an atheist, so I’m always looking for ways to celebrate earthly life on Sunday mornings. Do you like strawberries and mimosas?” That’s just a stab at a formulation that could start the conversation without killing any romantic momentum you’ve got going at that point.
At the least, that advice presents a reasonably positive strategy, which is appreciated. My attempts to be realistic about this issue are certainly prone to drifting into the sort of pessimism that comes from spending my entire undergraduate career single.
Your situation is harder than the norm, it’s true, but it’s not impossible. There are atheist women out there, and you’ll meet them if you’re diligent about being social. It may just take you a little longer. I wish you luck!
Actually just the simple act of trying to book dates on a Sunday morning could give you a quick decision of Christian-or-not.
Or awake-in-the-morning or not.
True :)
But then you don’t actually have to really make real plans for Sunday mornings… just ask if they’re available then and see what they say when turning you down. “Sorry, I’d prefer the afternoon” is different to “Well, if you’d like you can come along to my church group” :)
Not necessarily. There are a fair number of Christians who strongly self-identify as Christian but don’t go to church that regularly (in the US at least there are some very weird patterns. People claim in surveys to be going to church much more frequently than church attendance rates suggest.) This also won’t rule out other common religious groups, such as semi-religious Jews.
Oh certainly—it’s not universal, but more of a first-level filter.