I like to encourage my friends to become part of The System.
What is The System? It’s the system of small debts owed among friends where no one knows exactly how much is owed to whom, so everyone is forever tied together by their small debts.
Out at the bar? Buy a round, then someone else buys the next round, and so on, taking turns. Don’t go enough rounds for everyone to buy a round? No problem. You just owe the group a round next time.
Going on a trip? One person pays for the hotel, another for the flights, another for the car, another for some meals, etc.
This also enables a feeling of equality among friends by the wealthy friends paying for more stuff and the less wealthy friends paying for less stuff. The wealthier friends track this in their head and pay careful attention to how much their less wealthy friends are being asked to spend, and politely cover the difference without ever making a big deal of it so that everyone is included.
Many people are afraid of being part of The System. It’s like they have avoidant attachment style for friendship. That’s okay, they just have to be coaxed into it and shown that it’s safe to be part of The System. Take the first step with no expectation that they return the favor, do this a couple times, and many will start to get that there really is no formal debt to be repaid and they’ll relax and contribute.
Obviously freeriders are a strain on The System. The people who totally avoid paying their fair share in proportion to their wealth. These are bad friends and you stop inviting them to things. Thankfully, it usually doesn’t come to that. Mostly people want to be part of The System once they see the benefits it provides.
If you’re not already in it, you should join The System!
I like to encourage my friends to become part of The System.
What is The System? It’s the system of small debts owed among friends where no one knows exactly how much is owed to whom, so everyone is forever tied together by their small debts.
Out at the bar? Buy a round, then someone else buys the next round, and so on, taking turns. Don’t go enough rounds for everyone to buy a round? No problem. You just owe the group a round next time.
Going on a trip? One person pays for the hotel, another for the flights, another for the car, another for some meals, etc.
This also enables a feeling of equality among friends by the wealthy friends paying for more stuff and the less wealthy friends paying for less stuff. The wealthier friends track this in their head and pay careful attention to how much their less wealthy friends are being asked to spend, and politely cover the difference without ever making a big deal of it so that everyone is included.
Many people are afraid of being part of The System. It’s like they have avoidant attachment style for friendship. That’s okay, they just have to be coaxed into it and shown that it’s safe to be part of The System. Take the first step with no expectation that they return the favor, do this a couple times, and many will start to get that there really is no formal debt to be repaid and they’ll relax and contribute.
Obviously freeriders are a strain on The System. The people who totally avoid paying their fair share in proportion to their wealth. These are bad friends and you stop inviting them to things. Thankfully, it usually doesn’t come to that. Mostly people want to be part of The System once they see the benefits it provides.
If you’re not already in it, you should join The System!