If someone can do a thing X, which is nice and beneficial and should be encouraged, but which also makes it possible for you to do a thing Y, which hurts them and makes them regret doing X, then it is rude for you to do Y.
If X is “a racist, who hates even seeing blacks, opening a store” and Y is a “a black person entering the store”, by your definition Y is rude. I would disagree.
I think actual racists would consider it rude. “They should know they’re not welcome here, how dare they show their face, don’t they know no one wants to see them”, etc. So, yes, there may be dispute about whether something counts as rude or not. Though also, racist shop owners used to post signs saying what races were allowed (when this was legal), in which case thing X wouldn’t really be allowing thing Y.
I think there is also an assumption that the parties involved have an at least tentatively cooperative relationship. I would figure that the racist’s opinion of the other party is more like “I hate your guts and hope you all die”, which probably puts it outside that.
Let’s check that. If I imagine that the racist store owner and the black guy secretly had a great friendship, that they spent many hours together and helped each other privately and hold each other in high esteem… and if the store owner still doesn’t want the black guy appearing in his store (let’s say because he believes—maybe because they’ve told him so—that his biggest customers will all leave if they see him, and he’d have to abandon his business), and if the black guy knows all this, and chooses to appear anyway… I’m not 100% sure I’d call it rude—anyone can think their cause is so important that making a political statement is justified no matter how much it displeases people, and even if it accomplishes nothing, I think it might not be rude if the person truly believes it’s the right thing to do—but I could imagine the black guy agreeing it would be rude.
If X is “a racist, who hates even seeing blacks, opening a store” and Y is a “a black person entering the store”, by your definition Y is rude. I would disagree.
I think actual racists would consider it rude. “They should know they’re not welcome here, how dare they show their face, don’t they know no one wants to see them”, etc. So, yes, there may be dispute about whether something counts as rude or not. Though also, racist shop owners used to post signs saying what races were allowed (when this was legal), in which case thing X wouldn’t really be allowing thing Y.
I think there is also an assumption that the parties involved have an at least tentatively cooperative relationship. I would figure that the racist’s opinion of the other party is more like “I hate your guts and hope you all die”, which probably puts it outside that.
Let’s check that. If I imagine that the racist store owner and the black guy secretly had a great friendship, that they spent many hours together and helped each other privately and hold each other in high esteem… and if the store owner still doesn’t want the black guy appearing in his store (let’s say because he believes—maybe because they’ve told him so—that his biggest customers will all leave if they see him, and he’d have to abandon his business), and if the black guy knows all this, and chooses to appear anyway… I’m not 100% sure I’d call it rude—anyone can think their cause is so important that making a political statement is justified no matter how much it displeases people, and even if it accomplishes nothing, I think it might not be rude if the person truly believes it’s the right thing to do—but I could imagine the black guy agreeing it would be rude.