I agree that college is an unusually valuable time for meeting people, so it’s good to make the most of it. I also agree that one way an event can go badly is if people show up wanting to get to know each other, but they do not get that opportunity, and it sounds like it was a mistake for the organizers of this event not to be more accommodating of smaller, more organic conversations. And I think that advice on how to encourage smaller discussions is valuable.
But I think it’s important to keep in mind that not everyone wants the same things, not everyone relates to each other or their interests in the same way, and small, intimate conversations are not the be-all-end-all of social interaction or friend-making.
Rather, I believe human connection is more important. I could have learned about Emerson much more efficiently by reading the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, or been entertained more efficiently by taking a trip to an amusement park, for two hours.
For some people, learning together is a way of connecting, even in a group discussion where they don’t get to say much. And, for some people, mutual entertainment is one of their ways of connecting. Another social benefit of a group discussion or presentation is that you have some specific shared context to go off of—everyone was there for the same discussion, which can provide an anchor of common experience. For some people this is really important.
Also, there are social dynamics in larger groups that cannot be replicated in smaller groups. For example:
Suppose a group of 15 people is talking about Emerson. Alice is trying to get an idea across, but everyone seems to be misunderstanding. Bob chimes in and asks just the right questions to show that he understands and wants Alice’s idea to get through. Alice smiles at Bob and thanks him. Alice and Bob feel connection.
Another example:
In the same discussion, Carol is high status and wrote her PhD dissertation on Emerson. Debbie wants to ask her a question, but is intimidated by the thought of having a one-on-one conversation with her. Fortunately, the large group discussion environment gives Debbie the opportunity to ask a question without the pressure of a having a full conversation. Carol reacts warmly and answers Debbie’s question in a thoughtful way. This gives Debbie the confidence to approach Carol during the social mingling part of the discussion later on.
Most people prefer talking to listening.
But not everyone! Some people really like listening, watching, and thinking. And, among people who do prefer talking, many don’t care that much if they sometimes don’t get to talk that much, especially if there are other benefits.
(Also, I’m a little suspicious when someone argues for event formats that are supposed to make it easier to “get to know people”, and one of the main features is that they get to spend more time talking and less time listening)
Different hosts have different goals for their events, and that’s fine. I just value human connection a lot.
I think it’s important not to look at an event that fails to create social connection for you and assume that it does not create connection for others. This is both because not everyone connects the same way and because it’s hard to look at how an event and say whether it resulted in personal connection (it would not have been hard for an observer to miss the Alice-Bob connection, for example). That said, I do think it gets easier to tell as a group has been hosting events with the same people for longer. If people are consistently treating each other as strangers or acquaintances from week to week, this is a bad sign.
I agree that college is an unusually valuable time for meeting people, so it’s good to make the most of it. I also agree that one way an event can go badly is if people show up wanting to get to know each other, but they do not get that opportunity, and it sounds like it was a mistake for the organizers of this event not to be more accommodating of smaller, more organic conversations. And I think that advice on how to encourage smaller discussions is valuable.
But I think it’s important to keep in mind that not everyone wants the same things, not everyone relates to each other or their interests in the same way, and small, intimate conversations are not the be-all-end-all of social interaction or friend-making.
For some people, learning together is a way of connecting, even in a group discussion where they don’t get to say much. And, for some people, mutual entertainment is one of their ways of connecting. Another social benefit of a group discussion or presentation is that you have some specific shared context to go off of—everyone was there for the same discussion, which can provide an anchor of common experience. For some people this is really important.
Also, there are social dynamics in larger groups that cannot be replicated in smaller groups. For example:
Suppose a group of 15 people is talking about Emerson. Alice is trying to get an idea across, but everyone seems to be misunderstanding. Bob chimes in and asks just the right questions to show that he understands and wants Alice’s idea to get through. Alice smiles at Bob and thanks him. Alice and Bob feel connection.
Another example:
In the same discussion, Carol is high status and wrote her PhD dissertation on Emerson. Debbie wants to ask her a question, but is intimidated by the thought of having a one-on-one conversation with her. Fortunately, the large group discussion environment gives Debbie the opportunity to ask a question without the pressure of a having a full conversation. Carol reacts warmly and answers Debbie’s question in a thoughtful way. This gives Debbie the confidence to approach Carol during the social mingling part of the discussion later on.
But not everyone! Some people really like listening, watching, and thinking. And, among people who do prefer talking, many don’t care that much if they sometimes don’t get to talk that much, especially if there are other benefits.
(Also, I’m a little suspicious when someone argues for event formats that are supposed to make it easier to “get to know people”, and one of the main features is that they get to spend more time talking and less time listening)
I think it’s important not to look at an event that fails to create social connection for you and assume that it does not create connection for others. This is both because not everyone connects the same way and because it’s hard to look at how an event and say whether it resulted in personal connection (it would not have been hard for an observer to miss the Alice-Bob connection, for example). That said, I do think it gets easier to tell as a group has been hosting events with the same people for longer. If people are consistently treating each other as strangers or acquaintances from week to week, this is a bad sign.