It feels a little exposition heavy. Maybe move the childhood anecdote to a later section? There have been more historical paragraphs than descriptions of what’s happening in the current story.
That’s a perceptive comment, so thank you. The exposition dump is something I’d already flagged in my own head as a potential problem—it’s part of what I meant by “sausage making,” as that’s exactly the kind of thing that will get smoothed out in a second draft.
The action does pick up by the end of the chapter (the first raygun shows up on page 8) but hearing from readers exactly where the exposition starts to get wearisome is quite valuable, so thank you again.
It feels a little exposition heavy. Maybe move the childhood anecdote to a later section? There have been more historical paragraphs than descriptions of what’s happening in the current story.
That’s a perceptive comment, so thank you. The exposition dump is something I’d already flagged in my own head as a potential problem—it’s part of what I meant by “sausage making,” as that’s exactly the kind of thing that will get smoothed out in a second draft.
The action does pick up by the end of the chapter (the first raygun shows up on page 8) but hearing from readers exactly where the exposition starts to get wearisome is quite valuable, so thank you again.
Are you interested in reading more?
sure