I prefer yesterday’s post (which is why I wrote it). But I also
suspect that yesterday’s post is more persuasive, signaling more
maturity and deliberately avoiding flashes of eloquence that might
provoke skepticism here
I agree, and vastly prefer yesterday’s post. Without intending to offend, the problem for me is that the ‘flashes of eloquence’ read more as ‘attempts at eloquence’. They fall short for me, and thus cause me to doubt the rest of the piece.
On the other hand, this version seems easier to read, and you might
find it more persuasive if you had just encountered it on the Net -
if you weren’t used to a different style from me.
The first piece I read through from start to finish, and felt more able to evaluate it as a whole. For the second, the style was sufficiently jarring that I found myself doubting the argument phrase by phrase. I guess one could conclude that the second style helps to achieve a critical reading, but in the wild I’d never have bothered to read the whole thing.
The question is great, though, and the side-by-side presentation is a great test case. Is there one of these that you consider to be your native tone?
I agree, and vastly prefer yesterday’s post. Without intending to offend, the problem for me is that the ‘flashes of eloquence’ read more as ‘attempts at eloquence’. They fall short for me, and thus cause me to doubt the rest of the piece.
The first piece I read through from start to finish, and felt more able to evaluate it as a whole. For the second, the style was sufficiently jarring that I found myself doubting the argument phrase by phrase. I guess one could conclude that the second style helps to achieve a critical reading, but in the wild I’d never have bothered to read the whole thing.
The question is great, though, and the side-by-side presentation is a great test case. Is there one of these that you consider to be your native tone?