Why did I choose monogamy? I haven’t. That implies I’ve got a mate to be monogamous with. ;)
If I could get into a relationship with a harem of hot bisexual chicks, I’d do so. Of course, I’d also just as happily get into a relationship with one girl. Either would be better than nothing.
If I could get into a relationship with a harem of hot bisexual chicks, I’d do so. I’d also just as happily get into a relationship with one girl.
I would be astonished if your expected utilities for these two cases were identical. It’s also worth noting that whether you’re looking for monogamous or polyamorous relationships can have a big effect on your likelihood of succeeding (which, of course, varies a great deal based on who you are pursuing).
For the record, most bisexual poly women tend to look down on your approach as “unicorn hunting.”
It’s also worth noting that whether you’re looking for monogamous or polyamorous relationships can have a big effect on your likelihood of succeeding (which, of course, varies a great deal based on who you are pursuing).
Do you mean that you’re more likely to get a monogamous relationship with someone monogamous, and more likely to get a poly one with someone who’s poly? Or am I missing your point?
For the record, most bisexual poly women tend to look down on your approach as “unicorn hunting.”
Hopefully this isn’t true, but if it is it’s incredibly hypocritical. Why are their relationship choices acceptable but other people’s preferences something to be looked down at? Is this a status thing?
Do you mean that you’re more likely to get a monogamous relationship with someone monogamous, and more likely to get a poly one with someone who’s poly? Or am I missing your point?
Yes, but also that if you’re primarily looking at people in the pagan/geek/bi cluster, you’ll see many more poly people there than elsewhere (relatively, at least).
As for unicorn hunting, it’s usually about being annoyed by hypocrisy, so far as I’ve seen. Bisexual women get annoyed when they have straight male partners who want the rules of their relationship such that the man can date whoever he wants, but the woman can only date other women. This is often derogatorily referred to as a “one-penis policy,” and seems to be the result of the man not feeling threatened by lesbian relationships because he doesn’t think of women as “real competition.” (This is not a straw man. I have actually seen and heard this view stated seriously by some men in the poly community.)
I’m straight, and I’m currently dating a straight girl. One of our close mutual friends is a bisexual girl, and the two of them used to (before we started dating) occasionally make out when we were drunk etc. After I started dating her, this question came up. Instinctively, I feel much less threatened by her making out with a girl than with a guy. That makes sense evolutionarily, since my romantic interest is not going to be having her babies. However, intellectually, I don’t want to have different standards for people with different sexual orientations, so they stopped.
Bisexual women get annoyed when they have straight male partners who want the rules of their relationship such that the man can date whoever he wants, but the woman can only date other women.
However, it bothers me that a type of consensual relationship is disparaged as wrong in general, when it’s something that the people involved agree to and find workable.
All that said, I’m a little confused, because the comment that you responded to was about dating multiple bisexual women, not about a one-penis policy. The comment was:
If I could get into a relationship with a harem of hot bisexual chicks, I’d do so.
I read this as either referring to a closed, polyfidelity relationship, where everyone is limited to sex with people in the relationship, or as completely open, where any of them can have sex with any other people (male or female). Is there a one-penis policy implication in there that I’m missing?
Also, does the one-penis policy objection apply to polyfidelity where there is only one male in the relationship? That situation seems more equal.
However, it bothers me that a type of consensual relationship is disparaged as wrong in general, when it’s something that the people involved agree to and find workable.
Agreed. While the OPP is a common failure mode, it doesn’t apply to all relationships one-man/multiple-women relationships. Just usually.
Also, does the one-penis policy objection apply to polyfidelity where there is only one male in the relationship? That situation seems more equal.
The objection really only applies when it is a deliberate policy, as opposed to situations where the genders of a relationship’s participants just happen to fall out that way. IMHO, of course.
Why did I choose monogamy? I haven’t. That implies I’ve got a mate to be monogamous with. ;)
If I could get into a relationship with a harem of hot bisexual chicks, I’d do so. Of course, I’d also just as happily get into a relationship with one girl. Either would be better than nothing.
I would be astonished if your expected utilities for these two cases were identical. It’s also worth noting that whether you’re looking for monogamous or polyamorous relationships can have a big effect on your likelihood of succeeding (which, of course, varies a great deal based on who you are pursuing).
For the record, most bisexual poly women tend to look down on your approach as “unicorn hunting.”
Do you mean that you’re more likely to get a monogamous relationship with someone monogamous, and more likely to get a poly one with someone who’s poly? Or am I missing your point?
Hopefully this isn’t true, but if it is it’s incredibly hypocritical. Why are their relationship choices acceptable but other people’s preferences something to be looked down at? Is this a status thing?
Yes, but also that if you’re primarily looking at people in the pagan/geek/bi cluster, you’ll see many more poly people there than elsewhere (relatively, at least).
As for unicorn hunting, it’s usually about being annoyed by hypocrisy, so far as I’ve seen. Bisexual women get annoyed when they have straight male partners who want the rules of their relationship such that the man can date whoever he wants, but the woman can only date other women. This is often derogatorily referred to as a “one-penis policy,” and seems to be the result of the man not feeling threatened by lesbian relationships because he doesn’t think of women as “real competition.” (This is not a straw man. I have actually seen and heard this view stated seriously by some men in the poly community.)
I’m straight, and I’m currently dating a straight girl. One of our close mutual friends is a bisexual girl, and the two of them used to (before we started dating) occasionally make out when we were drunk etc. After I started dating her, this question came up. Instinctively, I feel much less threatened by her making out with a girl than with a guy. That makes sense evolutionarily, since my romantic interest is not going to be having her babies. However, intellectually, I don’t want to have different standards for people with different sexual orientations, so they stopped.
I understand that, and it does seem unfair, although some couples have reasons for having unequal arrangements, or use them as a stepping stone. (Links possibly NSFW.)
However, it bothers me that a type of consensual relationship is disparaged as wrong in general, when it’s something that the people involved agree to and find workable.
All that said, I’m a little confused, because the comment that you responded to was about dating multiple bisexual women, not about a one-penis policy. The comment was:
I read this as either referring to a closed, polyfidelity relationship, where everyone is limited to sex with people in the relationship, or as completely open, where any of them can have sex with any other people (male or female). Is there a one-penis policy implication in there that I’m missing?
Also, does the one-penis policy objection apply to polyfidelity where there is only one male in the relationship? That situation seems more equal.
Agreed. While the OPP is a common failure mode, it doesn’t apply to all relationships one-man/multiple-women relationships. Just usually.
The objection really only applies when it is a deliberate policy, as opposed to situations where the genders of a relationship’s participants just happen to fall out that way. IMHO, of course.