density of ideas too low
—long section resummarizing old posts
prose hard to read, feels somehow flat
—try using shorter paragraphs, varying sentence lengths, using more tangible words and examples
Comparing to Robin’s and Eliezer’s stuff, the gold standards:
Robin’s are generally very short, high-level, and high-density. Easy to read quickly for “what’s this about? do I care?” and then reread several times to think carefully about.
Eliezer’s are long and lower-density but meticulous and carefully arranged so that the ideas build brick on brick (and also offset length with effective, dramatic prose).
I would suggest trying to write this post Robin-style and see how it comes out: present your key points in as strong, terse and efficient a way as you can, even if you lose some people. Writing long posts seems harder.
Also, try pulling out some individual sentences and reading them out of context. Just to grab one almost at random: “Contamination by Priming is a problem that relates to the process of implicitly introducing the facts in the attended data set.” Pretty inscrutable.
Compare to Anna Salomon’s description of the same thing: “To sum up the principle briefly: your brain builds you up a self-image. You are the kind of person who says, and does… whatever it is your brain remembers you saying and doing.” Even though hers is longer in words, the concepts are clearer and more explicit. The text is bouncier and has more places for the mind to grab onto.
I think the problem is a combination of:
length
density of ideas too low —long section resummarizing old posts
prose hard to read, feels somehow flat —try using shorter paragraphs, varying sentence lengths, using more tangible words and examples
Comparing to Robin’s and Eliezer’s stuff, the gold standards:
Robin’s are generally very short, high-level, and high-density. Easy to read quickly for “what’s this about? do I care?” and then reread several times to think carefully about.
Eliezer’s are long and lower-density but meticulous and carefully arranged so that the ideas build brick on brick (and also offset length with effective, dramatic prose).
I would suggest trying to write this post Robin-style and see how it comes out: present your key points in as strong, terse and efficient a way as you can, even if you lose some people. Writing long posts seems harder.
Also, try pulling out some individual sentences and reading them out of context. Just to grab one almost at random: “Contamination by Priming is a problem that relates to the process of implicitly introducing the facts in the attended data set.” Pretty inscrutable.
Compare to Anna Salomon’s description of the same thing: “To sum up the principle briefly: your brain builds you up a self-image. You are the kind of person who says, and does… whatever it is your brain remembers you saying and doing.” Even though hers is longer in words, the concepts are clearer and more explicit. The text is bouncier and has more places for the mind to grab onto.
Hope that helps? Good luck!
Thank you, that was helpful. I’ll write a shorter summary article in a few days (linking to a revised version of this article).