If you ask questions about transsexualism online, and somebody perceives this as you having another position (rather than merely being curiousity), you’re immediately attacked and accused of being a bad person—that’s the pressure of conformity, not its opposite.
It is frustrating (assuming our good faith) when one’s interlocutor is unable to engage properly. I’ve experienced both sides of this sort of exchange. If one isn’t secure in their identity, any inquiry into their identity can feel like an attack.
I think it makes more sense to look for people whose self seems settled than to look for a way to talk to insecure people. Their expectations of self-integrity might not even be at “Gendlin’s litany”-level yet. They might only have reached “I can feel ok about myself if I stick with my guys and stop talking to mean people”. It’s not feasible to hold someone to a higher standard of integrity than they do themselves.
All of that to say: I agree! We should hold ourselves to these standards, and help others do the same.
I’ve sort of left out one point of yours, regarding possible harm. I don’t know how to approach that, because I’m not sure with whom responsibility lies, and object-level my knowledge of risks and biology is lacking.
Yes, I think I get you now. This resonated:
It is frustrating (assuming our good faith) when one’s interlocutor is unable to engage properly. I’ve experienced both sides of this sort of exchange. If one isn’t secure in their identity, any inquiry into their identity can feel like an attack.
I think it makes more sense to look for people whose self seems settled than to look for a way to talk to insecure people. Their expectations of self-integrity might not even be at “Gendlin’s litany”-level yet. They might only have reached “I can feel ok about myself if I stick with my guys and stop talking to mean people”. It’s not feasible to hold someone to a higher standard of integrity than they do themselves.
All of that to say: I agree! We should hold ourselves to these standards, and help others do the same.
I’ve sort of left out one point of yours, regarding possible harm. I don’t know how to approach that, because I’m not sure with whom responsibility lies, and object-level my knowledge of risks and biology is lacking.