At that age, the Venn Diagram of what I wanted, what I thought would be good for me, and what actually helped me develop into a (mostly) competent adult were three circles with only a tiny overlap. Some kids are way more self-aware than I was, most are somewhat less.
Adults putting thought into the readiness and mindset of specific little humans and what will awaken or enhance their sense of agency and responsibility seems a great thing to me. Giving the child actual responsibilities (“from here on, you’re cooking two meals a week for the family, your allowance goes up but you buy your own clothes and supplies, etc.”) is one wonderful way to do this.
Making it a ceremony, to signal to other adults that the social contract is changing from “child” to “adult” seems reasonable, but I’m less enthusiastic about that. Ceremonies, to me, seem a bit one-size-fits-all and everybody-gets-a-prize, so their actual signaling value is low. I recognize that my disinterest is typical mind fallacy—I’m certain some get a great deal of value from those public signals.
Anyone asked the kid what he wants?
At that age I would not want to associate with any of this fussy ceremony stuff.
At that age, the Venn Diagram of what I wanted, what I thought would be good for me, and what actually helped me develop into a (mostly) competent adult were three circles with only a tiny overlap. Some kids are way more self-aware than I was, most are somewhat less.
Adults putting thought into the readiness and mindset of specific little humans and what will awaken or enhance their sense of agency and responsibility seems a great thing to me. Giving the child actual responsibilities (“from here on, you’re cooking two meals a week for the family, your allowance goes up but you buy your own clothes and supplies, etc.”) is one wonderful way to do this.
Making it a ceremony, to signal to other adults that the social contract is changing from “child” to “adult” seems reasonable, but I’m less enthusiastic about that. Ceremonies, to me, seem a bit one-size-fits-all and everybody-gets-a-prize, so their actual signaling value is low. I recognize that my disinterest is typical mind fallacy—I’m certain some get a great deal of value from those public signals.