“[...] insults her cooking and insinuates that she doesn’t know how to cook”
If my girlfriend had said something like that, I think an appropriate solution would be:
[curious] what you mean… [\curious]. [surprised] AHHHH, the hot sauce?? [\surprised]. [empathy] Ohhh, my love. Really sorry for that [\empathy]. [confession ~ lower speaking] I have to tell you something. I am so addicted to hot sauce that I even didn’t remember that I shouldn’t use it in (clearly exaggerating) every meal I eat. Your meal is [emphasis] really amazing [\emphasis] and I didn’t want to make you feel bad. This action of putting hot sauce was completely automatic (this conveys that I wasn’t carefully choosing my actions, I was just acting by default), because I am very used to put this thing on quite every meal, I swear this isn’t a special occasion. Sorry me for that, next time I won’t use it and I will really try to appreciate the meal without it. It isn’t even healthy to put this thing on every meal. Thanks for remembering me that.
Thinking again about it, if my girlfriend had said that, she wouldn’t be trying to signal that I was insulting her cooking, but she would be trying to signal that I should praise her food. I think the guy on the post wasn’t praising from the beginning. For example, once I get the first mouthful, I should already say “woooww, this is delicious”. Then if I proceeded to put hot sauce, she wouldn’t simply say “you are insulting me”, but maybe she would assert “are you really liking the food? I see you are putting extra condiments”, then I would reply, “no, this is really delicious. I am putting the hot sauce because I am addicted to it, but if you find this bad, I won’t put it anymore. I really would like to leave this addiction.”
Anyway I really like your posts Zvi and I would like to see more thoughts of yours here on Lesswrong. I see you carefully making your steps and I admire and learn from that.
Sorry for not exploring more on the other points of the post. Time is out, bye and thanks
Hot sauce:
“[...] insults her cooking and insinuates that she doesn’t know how to cook”
If my girlfriend had said something like that, I think an appropriate solution would be:
Thinking again about it, if my girlfriend had said that, she wouldn’t be trying to signal that I was insulting her cooking, but she would be trying to signal that I should praise her food. I think the guy on the post wasn’t praising from the beginning. For example, once I get the first mouthful, I should already say “woooww, this is delicious”. Then if I proceeded to put hot sauce, she wouldn’t simply say “you are insulting me”, but maybe she would assert “are you really liking the food? I see you are putting extra condiments”, then I would reply, “no, this is really delicious. I am putting the hot sauce because I am addicted to it, but if you find this bad, I won’t put it anymore. I really would like to leave this addiction.”
Anyway I really like your posts Zvi and I would like to see more thoughts of yours here on Lesswrong. I see you carefully making your steps and I admire and learn from that.
Sorry for not exploring more on the other points of the post. Time is out, bye and thanks