Being higher agency does not necessarily make a person happier. Avoid the temptation to conflate the two.
With that said, I think a person in this situation would derive value from analyzing the difference in their experience between situations where they demonstrate agency vs situations where someone else might demonstrate agency but they don’t. What’s going on in their worldview where they experience certain situations as offering a choice where others don’t? Noticing opportunities to display agency is the first step.
One framing that might help build this skill in a low-stakes way would be making a game of pointing out things that you or he could do, but choose not to for a reason. I could go to the park instead of to work, but I choose not to because I value my career. I could kick that puppy, but I choose not to because I don’t want to hurt it. Then eventually you scale this toward his actual goals—“I could apply for that job, but I choose not to because...”
Basically build the habit of looking at choices as the stimulus which elicits a predictable response from the world, and events that happen to one as resulting in part from one’s own choices.
How do you feel that you learned the skill that you’re trying to teach?
This framing of “I could do X but I choose not to because …” is very useful. I appreciate it.
I’d hesitate to say I’ve “learned” to be high-agency (certainly there are tons of people in my daily life who are 10x more agentic than me) -- I’d say the feeling is something like “If I want something, I can make a strong attempt at getting it.”
Being higher agency does not necessarily make a person happier. Avoid the temptation to conflate the two.
With that said, I think a person in this situation would derive value from analyzing the difference in their experience between situations where they demonstrate agency vs situations where someone else might demonstrate agency but they don’t. What’s going on in their worldview where they experience certain situations as offering a choice where others don’t? Noticing opportunities to display agency is the first step.
One framing that might help build this skill in a low-stakes way would be making a game of pointing out things that you or he could do, but choose not to for a reason. I could go to the park instead of to work, but I choose not to because I value my career. I could kick that puppy, but I choose not to because I don’t want to hurt it. Then eventually you scale this toward his actual goals—“I could apply for that job, but I choose not to because...”
Basically build the habit of looking at choices as the stimulus which elicits a predictable response from the world, and events that happen to one as resulting in part from one’s own choices.
How do you feel that you learned the skill that you’re trying to teach?
This framing of “I could do X but I choose not to because …” is very useful. I appreciate it.
I’d hesitate to say I’ve “learned” to be high-agency (certainly there are tons of people in my daily life who are 10x more agentic than me) -- I’d say the feeling is something like “If I want something, I can make a strong attempt at getting it.”