I know a few people who are like that. They are convinced (often for years) that they have a terminal illness that would kill them within days or weeks, yet they don’t go get it checked, just are stuck in self-blame, fears of dying and often self-punishment. Nearly all of them also have been through severe childhood trauma stemming from persistent abuse and/or neglect. Not sure how your childhood was like, but it is definitely a good idea to see a therapist, rather than a GP or a specialist. It is entirely possible that all you need is some skills you can learn through CBT or ACT for your quality of life to markedly improve. And a therapist won’t attempt to diagnose your physical condition, alleviating your fears of being either invalidated or condemned to die. It also looks like you are ready for “debugging your mind”, so your odds of success are above average.
Thanks for the comment! It really helps to know that other people are in a similar situation.
My childhood went fine. I did spend the past 3/4y midly-to-severely depressed/anxious and saw a CBT therapist for about 6 months this year though (stopped it last month). We mostly worked on how to build self-confidence and avoid self-loathing through the three columns technique. I also did the exercises from “Feeling Good”. We did not focus on my illness anxiety (never mentioned it to her to not sound too crazy and because we had other things to fix first). Never heard of ACT, will check it out and think about doing a therapy more anxiety focused.
alleviating your fears of being either invalidated or condemned to die
I really like how you phrased this, especially “invalidating” (never thought of it that way).
“It is entirely possible that all you need is some skills you can learn through CBT or ACT for your quality of life to markedly improve. [...]
It also looks like you are ready for “debugging your mind”, so your odds of success are above average.”
Thanks for the optimism. When I apply CBT techniques right now and try to fix my biases, I still have this creepling anxiety telling me: “hey, if you don’t act now you’re likely to die in the next months/year. It’s probably already hopeless”. It’s like if both my body and mind were already convinced that something was happening in my body. Whenever I look for new evidence (by touching etc.) my mind adapts the reality to match its story (e.g. the thing I’m feeling in my chest MUST be cancer because it would explain what I feel). I feel like the only way to be completely alleviated would be to do a full scanner/ultrasound.
I know a few people who are like that. They are convinced (often for years) that they have a terminal illness that would kill them within days or weeks, yet they don’t go get it checked, just are stuck in self-blame, fears of dying and often self-punishment. Nearly all of them also have been through severe childhood trauma stemming from persistent abuse and/or neglect. Not sure how your childhood was like, but it is definitely a good idea to see a therapist, rather than a GP or a specialist. It is entirely possible that all you need is some skills you can learn through CBT or ACT for your quality of life to markedly improve. And a therapist won’t attempt to diagnose your physical condition, alleviating your fears of being either invalidated or condemned to die. It also looks like you are ready for “debugging your mind”, so your odds of success are above average.
Thanks for the comment! It really helps to know that other people are in a similar situation.
My childhood went fine. I did spend the past 3/4y midly-to-severely depressed/anxious and saw a CBT therapist for about 6 months this year though (stopped it last month). We mostly worked on how to build self-confidence and avoid self-loathing through the three columns technique. I also did the exercises from “Feeling Good”. We did not focus on my illness anxiety (never mentioned it to her to not sound too crazy and because we had other things to fix first). Never heard of ACT, will check it out and think about doing a therapy more anxiety focused.
I really like how you phrased this, especially “invalidating” (never thought of it that way).
Thanks for the optimism. When I apply CBT techniques right now and try to fix my biases, I still have this creepling anxiety telling me: “hey, if you don’t act now you’re likely to die in the next months/year. It’s probably already hopeless”. It’s like if both my body and mind were already convinced that something was happening in my body. Whenever I look for new evidence (by touching etc.) my mind adapts the reality to match its story (e.g. the thing I’m feeling in my chest MUST be cancer because it would explain what I feel). I feel like the only way to be completely alleviated would be to do a full scanner/ultrasound.