Loved this one! This is pointing something common, but most importantly, with the right frame of mind.
I think it’s part of what worries people who discover introspection and therapy (and empathy) for the first time -at least I remember thinking similar thoughts when discovering Focusing. Yet their worry overcorrects and prevents them from noticing sources of suffering they’ve been neglecting all along, and would benefit from healing. Mentioning both sides is useful.
I think it’s worth noting however there are a lot of subtleties that make this meme less applicable to “interpreting other’s behaviors” (this isn’t directed to the OP, more like general guidelines), even if in non-triggered ways :
1-I have high confidence (80%) some people deep in those cycles really do live hell on earth (self-inflicted doesn’t mean inexistant!). It’s tempting to minimize their suffering, but factually wrong.
2-I used to accuse most people I didn’t like of self-inflicted fictitious suffering, including people I hurt or ones who suffered from exogenous causes. This was natural when I myself were denying quite intense painful signals (mine or others). As usual, the world isn’t so dark, one needs more than one hypothesis. People don’t subject themselves to lung cancer, bad trips or senescence in the hopes of being cared for.
3-There’s a related ambiguous situation, where people around you presume you’re seeking help due e.g. to some form of agency differential / ask vs guess culture difference, while you’re not. And that other, ironically symmetrical situation, where you definitely need help but pretend not to (aka “I swear I’m fine!”). Navigating those is tricky, and people low in emotional intelligence can easily get confused.
I think this is a precious insight to share and apply to oneself, however I’d caution against using it as a tool for interpreting other’s behaviors, or at least doing so while staying open to “Uh, ok, she’s not making a mountain out of a molehill, she actually underwent [(tw) war in Irak/r*pe/the death of a relative/etc]” type of insights.
But then again, a very useful post ! Thank you for having written this.
Loved this one! This is pointing something common, but most importantly, with the right frame of mind.
I think it’s part of what worries people who discover introspection and therapy (and empathy) for the first time -at least I remember thinking similar thoughts when discovering Focusing. Yet their worry overcorrects and prevents them from noticing sources of suffering they’ve been neglecting all along, and would benefit from healing. Mentioning both sides is useful.
I think it’s worth noting however there are a lot of subtleties that make this meme less applicable to “interpreting other’s behaviors” (this isn’t directed to the OP, more like general guidelines), even if in non-triggered ways :
1-I have high confidence (80%) some people deep in those cycles really do live hell on earth (self-inflicted doesn’t mean inexistant!). It’s tempting to minimize their suffering, but factually wrong.
2-I used to accuse most people I didn’t like of self-inflicted fictitious suffering, including people I hurt or ones who suffered from exogenous causes. This was natural when I myself were denying quite intense painful signals (mine or others). As usual, the world isn’t so dark, one needs more than one hypothesis. People don’t subject themselves to lung cancer, bad trips or senescence in the hopes of being cared for.
3-There’s a related ambiguous situation, where people around you presume you’re seeking help due e.g. to some form of agency differential / ask vs guess culture difference, while you’re not. And that other, ironically symmetrical situation, where you definitely need help but pretend not to (aka “I swear I’m fine!”). Navigating those is tricky, and people low in emotional intelligence can easily get confused.
I think this is a precious insight to share and apply to oneself, however I’d caution against using it as a tool for interpreting other’s behaviors, or at least doing so while staying open to “Uh, ok, she’s not making a mountain out of a molehill, she actually underwent [(tw) war in Irak/r*pe/the death of a relative/etc]” type of insights.
But then again, a very useful post ! Thank you for having written this.