Thanks for this post! I also spend far too much time worrying about inconsequential decisions, and it wouldn’t surprise me if this is a common problem on LessWrong. In some sense, I think that rationality actually puts us at risk for this kind of decision anxiety, because rationality teaches us to look at every situation and ask, “Why am I doing it this way? Is there a different way I could do it that would be better?” By focusing on improving our lives, we end up overthinking our decisions. And we tend to frame these things as optimization problems: not “How can I find a good solution for X?”, but “How can I find the best solution for X?” When we frame everything as optimization, the perfect can easily become the enemy of the good. Why? Because suppose you’re trying to solve problem X, and you come up with a pretty decent solution, x. If you are constantly asking how to improve things, then you will focus on all the negative aspects of x that make it suboptimal. On the other hand, if you accept that some things just don’t need to be optimized, you can learn to be content with what you have; you can focus on the positive aspects of x instead.
I think this is how a lot of us develop decision anxiety, actually. In general, we feel anxiety about a decision when we know it’s possible for things to go wrong. The worse the possible consequences, the more anxiety we feel. And the thing is, when we focus on the downsides of our decisions, then we have negative feelings about our decisions. The more negative feelings we have about every decision we make, the more it seems like making a decision is an inherently fraught endeavor. Something in our minds says, “Of course I should feel anxiety when making decisions! Every time I make a decision, the result always feels really bad!”
Based on all of this, I’m trying to remedy my own decision anxiety by focusing on the positive more, and trying to ignore the downsides of decisions that I make. Last weekend, I was also looking for a new apartment. I visited two places, and they both looked great, but each of them had its downsides. One was in the middle of nowhere, so it was really nice and quiet, but very inaccesible. The other was in a town, and was basically perfect in terms of accesibility, but if you stood outside, you could vaguely hear the highway. At first I was pretty stressed about the decision, because I was thinking about the downsides of each apartment. And my friend said to me, “Wow, this is going to be a hard decision.” But then I realized that both apartments were really awesome, and I’d be very happy in either of them, so I said, “Actually this is a really easy decision.” Even if I accidentally picked the ‘wrong’ apartment, I would still be very happy there.
But here’s the thing: whether I’m happy with my decision will depend on my mindset as I live in the apartment. I ended up picking the accesible apartment where you can hear the highway a little. If I spend everyday thinking “Wow, I hate that highway, I should have chosen the other apartment,” then I’ll regret my decision (even though the other place would have also had its faults). But if I spend every day thinking “Wow, this apartment is beautiful, and so conveniently located!”, then I won’t regret my decision at all.
That’s very true re: mindset! There was one time in my life when the decision of where to live was made for me (I used to each English in Japan), and I was placed in a location I never would have picked on my own. But because I didn’t have a choice in the matter, I made the best of it, and things worked out pretty well. Telling yourself “this is fine, this is going to work” is necessary sometimes.
Thanks for this post! I also spend far too much time worrying about inconsequential decisions, and it wouldn’t surprise me if this is a common problem on LessWrong. In some sense, I think that rationality actually puts us at risk for this kind of decision anxiety, because rationality teaches us to look at every situation and ask, “Why am I doing it this way? Is there a different way I could do it that would be better?” By focusing on improving our lives, we end up overthinking our decisions. And we tend to frame these things as optimization problems: not “How can I find a good solution for X?”, but “How can I find the best solution for X?” When we frame everything as optimization, the perfect can easily become the enemy of the good. Why? Because suppose you’re trying to solve problem X, and you come up with a pretty decent solution, x. If you are constantly asking how to improve things, then you will focus on all the negative aspects of x that make it suboptimal. On the other hand, if you accept that some things just don’t need to be optimized, you can learn to be content with what you have; you can focus on the positive aspects of x instead.
I think this is how a lot of us develop decision anxiety, actually. In general, we feel anxiety about a decision when we know it’s possible for things to go wrong. The worse the possible consequences, the more anxiety we feel. And the thing is, when we focus on the downsides of our decisions, then we have negative feelings about our decisions. The more negative feelings we have about every decision we make, the more it seems like making a decision is an inherently fraught endeavor. Something in our minds says, “Of course I should feel anxiety when making decisions! Every time I make a decision, the result always feels really bad!”
Based on all of this, I’m trying to remedy my own decision anxiety by focusing on the positive more, and trying to ignore the downsides of decisions that I make. Last weekend, I was also looking for a new apartment. I visited two places, and they both looked great, but each of them had its downsides. One was in the middle of nowhere, so it was really nice and quiet, but very inaccesible. The other was in a town, and was basically perfect in terms of accesibility, but if you stood outside, you could vaguely hear the highway. At first I was pretty stressed about the decision, because I was thinking about the downsides of each apartment. And my friend said to me, “Wow, this is going to be a hard decision.” But then I realized that both apartments were really awesome, and I’d be very happy in either of them, so I said, “Actually this is a really easy decision.” Even if I accidentally picked the ‘wrong’ apartment, I would still be very happy there.
But here’s the thing: whether I’m happy with my decision will depend on my mindset as I live in the apartment. I ended up picking the accesible apartment where you can hear the highway a little. If I spend everyday thinking “Wow, I hate that highway, I should have chosen the other apartment,” then I’ll regret my decision (even though the other place would have also had its faults). But if I spend every day thinking “Wow, this apartment is beautiful, and so conveniently located!”, then I won’t regret my decision at all.
That’s very true re: mindset! There was one time in my life when the decision of where to live was made for me (I used to each English in Japan), and I was placed in a location I never would have picked on my own. But because I didn’t have a choice in the matter, I made the best of it, and things worked out pretty well. Telling yourself “this is fine, this is going to work” is necessary sometimes.