No, no—you misunderstand agile! See, in our company, we have AIgile! It’s a slightly modified version of agile which we find to be even better! The scrum master is GTP-4o, which is known to be wonderful at encouraging and building team spirit.
I have yet to have worked in a company that actually implemented agile, rather than saying they use agile, but then inventing their own complicated system involving lots of documentation and meetings.
I actually have Scrum Master training… so I can confidently say that most companies that claim to do Scrum are actually closer to doing its opposite.
retrospective—either not doing it at all because it is a waste of time (yeah, remove the only part of the process where the developers can provide feedback about the process, and then be surprised that the process sucks), or they are doing some perverted reverse-retrospective where instead of developers giving feedback to the company, it is company giving feedback to developers, usually that they should work faster and make fewer mistakes
there is no “Jira” in the Scrum Guide
there is no “Confluence” in the Scrum Guide
and the retrospective is exactly the place where the developers should say “Jira and Confluence suck, we want some tools that actually work instead”, but I already mentioned the retrospective
there are no managers in Scrum; and no, it is not about renaming the manager’s role, but about giving the team autonomy
the only deadlines in Scrum are the ones negotiated at sprint planning, and not in the sense of “management says that the deadline is after two sprints, but you have the freedom to choose which part you implement during the first sprint, and which part during the second one”
I only experienced something like actual Scrum once, when a small department in a larger company decided to actually try Scrum by the textbook. It was fun while it lasted. Ironically, we had to stop because the entire company decided to switch to “Scrum”, and we were told to do it “properly”. (That meant no more wasting time on retrospectives; sprints need to be two weeks long because more sprints = more productivity; etc.)
I find it very amusing that everyone proudly boasts of being “Agile” when they have all the nimble swiftness in decision and action of a 1975 Soviet Russia agricultural committee.
No, no—you misunderstand agile! See, in our company, we have AIgile! It’s a slightly modified version of agile which we find to be even better! The scrum master is GTP-4o, which is known to be wonderful at encouraging and building team spirit.
I have yet to have worked in a company that actually implemented agile, rather than saying they use agile, but then inventing their own complicated system involving lots of documentation and meetings.
I actually have Scrum Master training… so I can confidently say that most companies that claim to do Scrum are actually closer to doing its opposite.
retrospective—either not doing it at all because it is a waste of time (yeah, remove the only part of the process where the developers can provide feedback about the process, and then be surprised that the process sucks), or they are doing some perverted reverse-retrospective where instead of developers giving feedback to the company, it is company giving feedback to developers, usually that they should work faster and make fewer mistakes
there is no “Jira” in the Scrum Guide
there is no “Confluence” in the Scrum Guide
and the retrospective is exactly the place where the developers should say “Jira and Confluence suck, we want some tools that actually work instead”, but I already mentioned the retrospective
there are no managers in Scrum; and no, it is not about renaming the manager’s role, but about giving the team autonomy
the only deadlines in Scrum are the ones negotiated at sprint planning, and not in the sense of “management says that the deadline is after two sprints, but you have the freedom to choose which part you implement during the first sprint, and which part during the second one”
I only experienced something like actual Scrum once, when a small department in a larger company decided to actually try Scrum by the textbook. It was fun while it lasted. Ironically, we had to stop because the entire company decided to switch to “Scrum”, and we were told to do it “properly”. (That meant no more wasting time on retrospectives; sprints need to be two weeks long because more sprints = more productivity; etc.)
I find it very amusing that everyone proudly boasts of being “Agile” when they have all the nimble swiftness in decision and action of a 1975 Soviet Russia agricultural committee.