Nono, I mean they describe their nice behavior as super-nice, while the other person describes it as ok/slightly defensive? I’m still inclined to think people don’t realize that their own defensiveness is showing when they think it isn’t. Also, I think I wouldn’t expect someone to be especially accommodating for a crazy loon.
I’m just saying, my experience is that it does go both ways: Alice is offended, and so plays Bob off as being middle-of-the road when he was super-nice, and crazy-loon when he was middle-of-the-road. Or Bob is genuinely a loon, but insists that okay, he was maybe middle of the road a few times, but super nice the rest of the time.
I’ve seen this as an impartial observer, and I’ve been on both sides of the fence. My friends know not to take me too seriously when I’m upset about someone...
EDIT: You’re probably also right about defensiveness not being apparent. I’m not suggesting this is ALWAYS the case, just that it’s a bad idea to seriously assume that the first poster is ALWAYS in the right and that the rebuttals MUST be mere defensiveness and not genuine outrage at such a false portrayal.
Oh sorry, I guess I wasn’t clear. I meant one poster writes themselves as trying really hard to help and the other writes that poster as medium-to-not helpful. And vice versa! I wasn’t distinguishing between original and rebuttal posters.
Nono, I mean they describe their nice behavior as super-nice, while the other person describes it as ok/slightly defensive? I’m still inclined to think people don’t realize that their own defensiveness is showing when they think it isn’t. Also, I think I wouldn’t expect someone to be especially accommodating for a crazy loon.
I’m just saying, my experience is that it does go both ways: Alice is offended, and so plays Bob off as being middle-of-the road when he was super-nice, and crazy-loon when he was middle-of-the-road. Or Bob is genuinely a loon, but insists that okay, he was maybe middle of the road a few times, but super nice the rest of the time.
I’ve seen this as an impartial observer, and I’ve been on both sides of the fence. My friends know not to take me too seriously when I’m upset about someone...
EDIT: You’re probably also right about defensiveness not being apparent. I’m not suggesting this is ALWAYS the case, just that it’s a bad idea to seriously assume that the first poster is ALWAYS in the right and that the rebuttals MUST be mere defensiveness and not genuine outrage at such a false portrayal.
Oh sorry, I guess I wasn’t clear. I meant one poster writes themselves as trying really hard to help and the other writes that poster as medium-to-not helpful. And vice versa! I wasn’t distinguishing between original and rebuttal posters.