First and foremost, don’t let yourself get seriously depressed. This is really important. You allude to having grown out of a depressive funk, which is good, but (if I may say so) the tone of this comment seems to suggest that sinking back into that mire is still a danger.
I have been depressed in the past. Depression is very, very bad. Not just because it’s excruciatingly painful, which it is. Some excruciatingly painful experiences are necessary and honorable and lead to better things. In contrast, depression is constricting and debilitating and hideously toxic. It’s a far worse mind killer than politics. It’s a life killer.
On that note, please remember that you don’t have it so bad. You say you “made some incredibly poor choices throughout high school.” Well, people in general between the ages of 13 and 18 may be noted for many things, but excellent practical judgment is not usually one of them. Also,”incredibly poor choices” is a relative thing. Far too many people no older than you are pregnant, or in prison, or dead as a result of their choices.
You’ve dropped out of high school. According to the conventional wisdom, that’s bad, because the general class of high school dropouts is generally worse off than the general class of high school graduates. But I happen to have known a fair number of kids whose families had immigrated from the former Soviet Union. A surprising (to me) number of them looked at the standard American educational path and decided it was a waste of time. Instead, they deliberately dropped out as soon as possible, passed the GED, went on to junior college, and then transferred to a traditional university, saving years and money. This was a while ago, and since then, college prices have gone nowhere but up.
You’ll probably have to pass the GED if you haven’t already. Beyond that, I don’t know what your educational path should be, except to say that you should make sure you have access to an intellectually stimulating environment. But it sounds like you’ve already taken wise steps in that direction.
You’re pining for a social life, as you should. That’s extremely important, but I advise you to be reasonably patient, as hard as that may be. If you place yourself in an environment in which you can excel and thrive and be recognized for your accomplishments, you’ll be in an environment in which you can make real friends.
A brief personal note: one of my greatest regrets is losing track of friends, simply through inattention. When too much time has passed, it’s hard to revive what was once an effortless relationship. When you do make a lot of close friends (and you will), be sure to stay in touch with them.
Finally, I predict that if you succeed in finding a niche in which you are rewarded for your work, and (as I predict) you establish real bonds of friendship with people who share your interests, you will be in an excellent position to find a girlfriend who is both a girl and a friend, and the friendship will last much longer than a month.
I appreciate your reply. Reading back through my comment again, I can see I do give the impression that I’m close to depression again, for which I apologize. I’m not naturally sad. Seriously. I have a relatively stable and healthy hedonic set point, and my previous depression had everything to do with external factors and how I naively thought the world worked, and had virtually nothing to do with my neurochemistry. So, no need to worry about that. I guess I should probably work on making my comments peppier.
Again, your thoughtful comment is truly appreciated. It’s always nice to see some actual concrete advice instead of empty platitudes.
First and foremost, don’t let yourself get seriously depressed. This is really important. You allude to having grown out of a depressive funk, which is good, but (if I may say so) the tone of this comment seems to suggest that sinking back into that mire is still a danger.
I have been depressed in the past. Depression is very, very bad. Not just because it’s excruciatingly painful, which it is. Some excruciatingly painful experiences are necessary and honorable and lead to better things. In contrast, depression is constricting and debilitating and hideously toxic. It’s a far worse mind killer than politics. It’s a life killer.
On that note, please remember that you don’t have it so bad. You say you “made some incredibly poor choices throughout high school.” Well, people in general between the ages of 13 and 18 may be noted for many things, but excellent practical judgment is not usually one of them. Also,”incredibly poor choices” is a relative thing. Far too many people no older than you are pregnant, or in prison, or dead as a result of their choices.
You’ve dropped out of high school. According to the conventional wisdom, that’s bad, because the general class of high school dropouts is generally worse off than the general class of high school graduates. But I happen to have known a fair number of kids whose families had immigrated from the former Soviet Union. A surprising (to me) number of them looked at the standard American educational path and decided it was a waste of time. Instead, they deliberately dropped out as soon as possible, passed the GED, went on to junior college, and then transferred to a traditional university, saving years and money. This was a while ago, and since then, college prices have gone nowhere but up.
You’ll probably have to pass the GED if you haven’t already. Beyond that, I don’t know what your educational path should be, except to say that you should make sure you have access to an intellectually stimulating environment. But it sounds like you’ve already taken wise steps in that direction.
You’re pining for a social life, as you should. That’s extremely important, but I advise you to be reasonably patient, as hard as that may be. If you place yourself in an environment in which you can excel and thrive and be recognized for your accomplishments, you’ll be in an environment in which you can make real friends.
A brief personal note: one of my greatest regrets is losing track of friends, simply through inattention. When too much time has passed, it’s hard to revive what was once an effortless relationship. When you do make a lot of close friends (and you will), be sure to stay in touch with them.
Finally, I predict that if you succeed in finding a niche in which you are rewarded for your work, and (as I predict) you establish real bonds of friendship with people who share your interests, you will be in an excellent position to find a girlfriend who is both a girl and a friend, and the friendship will last much longer than a month.
I appreciate your reply. Reading back through my comment again, I can see I do give the impression that I’m close to depression again, for which I apologize. I’m not naturally sad. Seriously. I have a relatively stable and healthy hedonic set point, and my previous depression had everything to do with external factors and how I naively thought the world worked, and had virtually nothing to do with my neurochemistry. So, no need to worry about that. I guess I should probably work on making my comments peppier.
Again, your thoughtful comment is truly appreciated. It’s always nice to see some actual concrete advice instead of empty platitudes.