If we’re allowed to just believe different things, then my refusal to update comes across as much less of an attack on you.
I agree with this. As someone with whom the concept of frame control in the OP resonated a lot, I want to flag that some of the specifics of “refusing to update” seemed like they were worded too strictly and don’t seem central to the concept of frame control.
Said_achmiz also points this out in a comment here:
I think that the first red flag, and the first anti-red-flag, are both diametrically wrong. [Then quoting the OP:]
… here’s a non-exhaustive list of some frame control symptoms …
They do not demonstrate vulnerability in conversation, or if they do it somehow processes as still invulnerable. They don’t laugh nervously, don’t give tiny signals that they are malleable and interested in conforming to your opinion or worldview.
I don’t think you have to conform to someone’s opinion or worldview in order to avoid frame control. I think what matters is that you listen to them attentively, try to understand what they believe, and give them a “fair hearing,” so to speak. And frame controllers often seem like they don’t remember anything you said about your opinion and worldview, except when it suits them. So you get the sense that discussions with them are beyond fruitless. And more so, you are made to feel small in a way that goes beyond just “the person happens to disagree with me.”
I agree with this. As someone with whom the concept of frame control in the OP resonated a lot, I want to flag that some of the specifics of “refusing to update” seemed like they were worded too strictly and don’t seem central to the concept of frame control.
Said_achmiz also points this out in a comment here:
I don’t think you have to conform to someone’s opinion or worldview in order to avoid frame control. I think what matters is that you listen to them attentively, try to understand what they believe, and give them a “fair hearing,” so to speak. And frame controllers often seem like they don’t remember anything you said about your opinion and worldview, except when it suits them. So you get the sense that discussions with them are beyond fruitless. And more so, you are made to feel small in a way that goes beyond just “the person happens to disagree with me.”