This seems somewhat related to the concept of Karpman’s Drama Triangle: https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle. It describes three negative ways of relating to people: the persecutor, the rescuer, and the victim. This roles are named after how people perceive themselves and how they perceive others in their relationship. These are roles you can take on or that you can be cast into.
The persecutor is obviously an unhealthy relationship style and the one most immediately associated with what you have written here. They are the classic bully—“I’m right, you’re wrong”. One of the other comments mentioned an “assertive” style, which I think maps to this role.
The rescuer isn’t named because they rescue the other person, but rather, they are trying to be the other person’s savior. They are the source of truth or good or joy or whatever in the other person’s life. The natural and unhealthy implication of someone being the rescuer is that they are better than the other person, which means the other person must be worse. These are the people who are trying to “fix” you, or doing things “for your own good”. One of the other comments mentioned a “receptive” style, which I think maps to this role.
Finally, the victim isn’t necessarily being harmed by the other person so much as they see themselves as a victim. This is the hardest to understand in the context of your post, but I think it’s still applicable. When someone is “frame controlling” in the context of the victim, they’re saying “I’m blameless”. A victim needs a perpetrator, so if they’re blameless, you must be to blame. The persecutor makes everything your fault because of your faults (the focus is on the other person to avoid thinking about themselves), the victim makes everything your fault because they can’t accept responsibility (the focus is on themselves).
Karpman’s Drama Triangle seems like it has some amount of overlap with what you’re trying to describe here—unhealthy ways of relating to other people. Maybe it’s helpful to consider “Frame Control” in this context? You talk about general behaviors, and maybe by tying it into personalities / roles it would help understand the different forms it can take.
There is also healthy versions of these roles. * Persecutor → Challenger, Assertive * Victim → Survivor, Vulnerable * Rescuer → Coach, Caring
Also important is that everyone exists in each of these roles at different times in different relationships, but people tend to have one role that they naturally fall into. For me, it’s Rescuer / Coach (hopefully more of the latter). From what you describe, Aella, it sounds like for you it’s Victim (and hopefully Survivor for your healthy relationships!).
Does this seem to be in line with what you are describing?
This seems somewhat related to the concept of Karpman’s Drama Triangle: https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle. It describes three negative ways of relating to people: the persecutor, the rescuer, and the victim. This roles are named after how people perceive themselves and how they perceive others in their relationship. These are roles you can take on or that you can be cast into.
The persecutor is obviously an unhealthy relationship style and the one most immediately associated with what you have written here. They are the classic bully—“I’m right, you’re wrong”. One of the other comments mentioned an “assertive” style, which I think maps to this role.
The rescuer isn’t named because they rescue the other person, but rather, they are trying to be the other person’s savior. They are the source of truth or good or joy or whatever in the other person’s life. The natural and unhealthy implication of someone being the rescuer is that they are better than the other person, which means the other person must be worse. These are the people who are trying to “fix” you, or doing things “for your own good”. One of the other comments mentioned a “receptive” style, which I think maps to this role.
Finally, the victim isn’t necessarily being harmed by the other person so much as they see themselves as a victim. This is the hardest to understand in the context of your post, but I think it’s still applicable. When someone is “frame controlling” in the context of the victim, they’re saying “I’m blameless”. A victim needs a perpetrator, so if they’re blameless, you must be to blame. The persecutor makes everything your fault because of your faults (the focus is on the other person to avoid thinking about themselves), the victim makes everything your fault because they can’t accept responsibility (the focus is on themselves).
Karpman’s Drama Triangle seems like it has some amount of overlap with what you’re trying to describe here—unhealthy ways of relating to other people. Maybe it’s helpful to consider “Frame Control” in this context? You talk about general behaviors, and maybe by tying it into personalities / roles it would help understand the different forms it can take.
There is also healthy versions of these roles.
* Persecutor → Challenger, Assertive
* Victim → Survivor, Vulnerable
* Rescuer → Coach, Caring
Also important is that everyone exists in each of these roles at different times in different relationships, but people tend to have one role that they naturally fall into. For me, it’s Rescuer / Coach (hopefully more of the latter). From what you describe, Aella, it sounds like for you it’s Victim (and hopefully Survivor for your healthy relationships!).
Does this seem to be in line with what you are describing?