either that, or need to live in a culture where it’s socially acceptable to proceed as though someone’s sexual preference is unknown, which is why I say that the experience demonstrated that I don’t live in such a culture
Ah, yes, this is a relevant point I was missing.
Within my present social sphere proceeding as though someone’s sexual preference is unknown, and inquiring into it, is entirely acceptable. But this is due to the subcultures I’m embedded in*, and I was forgetting that the mainstream culture is less permissive re: such inquiries.
(*primarily the lgbT, fetish, geek and polyamorous groupings)
(nods) I often have to explicitly remind myself that certain possibilities that are highly available for me (e.g., that someone is in a triad) are not even promoted for consideration in mainstream culture (e.g., when I’m at work).
I remember once commenting to a coworker that I was startled to realize, when a mutual coworker showed up at a party of mine with his girlfriend, that his girlfriend was married to the boyfriend of another guest at the party. Small world, and all.
You could almost hear the needle skipping as they struggled to make sense of that, after which they said “Well, that sounds awkward,” and it took me a while to realize they’d assumed the spouses were ignorant of the situation.
When we finally cleared up each other’s misunderstandings, we were rather symmetrically appalled at one another’s cultural norms
Incidentally, if you’re in the New England or Bay areas, we likely have friends in common.
As it happens, I’m in England Classic, so probably not.
Interesting anecdote however; has been added to my mental directory of small-talk anecdotes for discussions that involve (or that I want to involve) polyamory/relationships.
Ah, yes, this is a relevant point I was missing.
Within my present social sphere proceeding as though someone’s sexual preference is unknown, and inquiring into it, is entirely acceptable. But this is due to the subcultures I’m embedded in*, and I was forgetting that the mainstream culture is less permissive re: such inquiries.
(*primarily the lgbT, fetish, geek and polyamorous groupings)
(nods) I often have to explicitly remind myself that certain possibilities that are highly available for me (e.g., that someone is in a triad) are not even promoted for consideration in mainstream culture (e.g., when I’m at work).
I remember once commenting to a coworker that I was startled to realize, when a mutual coworker showed up at a party of mine with his girlfriend, that his girlfriend was married to the boyfriend of another guest at the party. Small world, and all.
You could almost hear the needle skipping as they struggled to make sense of that, after which they said “Well, that sounds awkward,” and it took me a while to realize they’d assumed the spouses were ignorant of the situation.
When we finally cleared up each other’s misunderstandings, we were rather symmetrically appalled at one another’s cultural norms
Incidentally, if you’re in the New England or Bay areas, we likely have friends in common.
As it happens, I’m in England Classic, so probably not.
Interesting anecdote however; has been added to my mental directory of small-talk anecdotes for discussions that involve (or that I want to involve) polyamory/relationships.