but modern feminism does not really encourage them to be more assertive; it just makes them more rude and complaining, even in intimate contexts where this would otherwise be seen as highly inappropriate
I… really don’t see why this would be true. This kind of sounds like something a misogynist would come up to justify their beliefs. (Not to imply that you’re a misogynist, just that it feels to me like you might have absorbed a misogynist meme and forgotten to question it.)
The error seems to be overstatement of the degree to which those two traits are incompatible. The claim after the ‘just’ is true but does not (in theory or practice) exclude also encouraging more assertiveness. In fact, practicing being rude would likely result in more assertiveness via the mechanism of comfort zone expansion.
It depends on what you mean by “assertiveness”. On a broad reading of the word, there is basically no sharp distinction between assertiveness and just plain meanness, rudeness or even manipulation—it really all depends on how broad your “comfort zone” is! A strict reading of “assertiveness” would require markedly higher standards which cross into negotiation skills, such as being pointedly aware of other parties’ positions and interests, and perhaps expressly acknowledging them. This meaning tends to be more commonly used these days, especially in combination with other useful skills such as confidence and independence.
The error seems to be overstatement of the degree to which those two traits are incompatible. The claim after the ‘just’ is true but does not (in theory or practice) exclude also encouraging more assertiveness. In fact, practicing being rude would likely result in more assertiveness via the mechanism of comfort zone expansion.
It depends on what you mean by “assertiveness”. On a broad reading of the word, there is basically no sharp distinction between assertiveness and just plain meanness, rudeness or even manipulation—it really all depends on how broad your “comfort zone” is! A strict reading of “assertiveness” would require markedly higher standards which cross into negotiation skills, such as being pointedly aware of other parties’ positions and interests, and perhaps expressly acknowledging them. This meaning tends to be more commonly used these days, especially in combination with other useful skills such as confidence and independence.