If there are three steps you need to get through to form a relationship
I don’t think there are. I would never say I’ve “flirted” with someone, yet I am in a committed, long term relationship. I don’t go to bars, I’ve never asked a girl for her number, or anything like that. I just get to know people I’m around. If I find that I’m compatible with someone, I express interest.
I could have phrased that much more clearly. The important point is that improvements at each stage of the funnel are multiplicative. I do not believe that there’s a well-ordered sequence of steps that you have to go through in order either but I do believe that given any complicated goal there’s a sequence that works best on average. If this is true, an improvement at any stage is beneficial. If the intermediate steps as well as the end goal are of value to you (fun, provide utility, make you happy) then it makes sense to improve the steps in the funnel in sequence from the beginning.
I’d be interested to hear your thoughts/experiences on relationship formation. I find it difficult to believe you’ve never flirted with someone if you’re in a relationship but that’s likely because we are using “flirting” to mean different things. You have not deliberately gone out with the goal of meeting potential mates but when you have met them socially you’ve expressed interest. Assuming this lead to dating there was flirting on the date (by my definition).
You do things as a couple, have conversations without other people, attempt to provoke “chemistry”, (usually unconsciously) ramp up touching, build rapport by having intimate conversation that’s (usually) meaningful to both parties. All of this escalates until it leads to either relationship formation, sex, or both.
That’s what flirting means to me. What do you think of when you think of flirting?
I don’t necessarily define flirting differently in terms of actions, but to me it has the connotation of being between two people who don’t know each other very well. I’ve only been in a few relationships, and they’ve all gone in the same manner—we’re brought together by circumstance, school, activities, work, etc. We find we get along well, and become friends. We become better and better friends, until it morphs into a relationship. I recognize that I’m not at all typical or normal, but it’s worked for me.
I don’t think there are. I would never say I’ve “flirted” with someone, yet I am in a committed, long term relationship. I don’t go to bars, I’ve never asked a girl for her number, or anything like that. I just get to know people I’m around. If I find that I’m compatible with someone, I express interest.
I could have phrased that much more clearly. The important point is that improvements at each stage of the funnel are multiplicative. I do not believe that there’s a well-ordered sequence of steps that you have to go through in order either but I do believe that given any complicated goal there’s a sequence that works best on average. If this is true, an improvement at any stage is beneficial. If the intermediate steps as well as the end goal are of value to you (fun, provide utility, make you happy) then it makes sense to improve the steps in the funnel in sequence from the beginning.
I’d be interested to hear your thoughts/experiences on relationship formation. I find it difficult to believe you’ve never flirted with someone if you’re in a relationship but that’s likely because we are using “flirting” to mean different things. You have not deliberately gone out with the goal of meeting potential mates but when you have met them socially you’ve expressed interest. Assuming this lead to dating there was flirting on the date (by my definition).
You do things as a couple, have conversations without other people, attempt to provoke “chemistry”, (usually unconsciously) ramp up touching, build rapport by having intimate conversation that’s (usually) meaningful to both parties. All of this escalates until it leads to either relationship formation, sex, or both.
That’s what flirting means to me. What do you think of when you think of flirting?
I don’t necessarily define flirting differently in terms of actions, but to me it has the connotation of being between two people who don’t know each other very well. I’ve only been in a few relationships, and they’ve all gone in the same manner—we’re brought together by circumstance, school, activities, work, etc. We find we get along well, and become friends. We become better and better friends, until it morphs into a relationship. I recognize that I’m not at all typical or normal, but it’s worked for me.