Perhaps it’s useful to note that all of lukeprog’s “tactics” look to me like normal socialization or extensions thereof?
Politics, religion, math, and programming are basically never the right subject matter when flirting.
Tailoring one’s subject matter to one’s audience is very normal. Avoiding esoteric or controversial topics with people one doesn’t know well is a simple logical extension of this. The “when flirting” qualifier is relevant in that it implies a new acquaintance; different heuristics apply when dealing with people one knows more about.
Keep up the emotional momentum. Don’t stay in the same stage of the conversation (rapport, storytelling, self-disclosure, etc.) for very long.
This is a fairly basic social skill. (By which I mean that it’s applicable everywhere, not that it’s trivial to learn. Possibly also noteworthy: The definition of ‘correct emotional momentum’ can vary from group to group and situation to situation.)
Almost every gesture or line is improved by adding a big smile.
Body language is important. Signaling that one is in a socially-interactive mode when that’s true is good practice.
’Hi. I’ve gotta run, but I think you’re cute so we should grab a coffee sometime” totally works when the girl is already attracted because my body language, fashion, and other signals have been optimized.
Nonverbal communication conveys a lot of information. Treating that communication as real is generally wise.
People rarely notice an abrupt change of subject if you say “Yeah, it’s just like when...” and then say something completely unrelated.
I’d question the assertion that people don’t notice these changes of topic, but this kind of behavior is quite normal in most real-time conversation contexts and will generally not be questioned unless it appears to be malicious.
Also, to make it perfectly clear: I’m not talking about flirting, dating, or any other romantic or pickup context with any of the above—I don’t have (or want; I’m asexual and a-romantic) enough experience to do so. I’m talking about normal, peer-to-peer socialization.
Perhaps it’s useful to note that all of lukeprog’s “tactics” look to me like normal socialization or extensions thereof?
Tailoring one’s subject matter to one’s audience is very normal. Avoiding esoteric or controversial topics with people one doesn’t know well is a simple logical extension of this. The “when flirting” qualifier is relevant in that it implies a new acquaintance; different heuristics apply when dealing with people one knows more about.
This is a fairly basic social skill. (By which I mean that it’s applicable everywhere, not that it’s trivial to learn. Possibly also noteworthy: The definition of ‘correct emotional momentum’ can vary from group to group and situation to situation.)
Body language is important. Signaling that one is in a socially-interactive mode when that’s true is good practice.
Nonverbal communication conveys a lot of information. Treating that communication as real is generally wise.
I’d question the assertion that people don’t notice these changes of topic, but this kind of behavior is quite normal in most real-time conversation contexts and will generally not be questioned unless it appears to be malicious.
Also, to make it perfectly clear: I’m not talking about flirting, dating, or any other romantic or pickup context with any of the above—I don’t have (or want; I’m asexual and a-romantic) enough experience to do so. I’m talking about normal, peer-to-peer socialization.
I think that’s exactly what we’re discussing—whether or not they are “normal socialization or extensions thereof”.