I’d certainly agree with your first point; I was more thinking in terms of the initial “high” most people feel within the initial period of a relationship. As time progresses and infatuation ceases, relationships typically become a great deal more “work” than they do when you’re enamored and full of almost unconditional love. After getting used to that shift, though, I can certainly see variation over time. But I do firmly believe that the initial few months, for most relationships, are the easiest. Hence the need for an evaluation after the initial period of infatuation has faded [which it may have, but it’s unclear in the OP].
I don’t think polyamory is inferior to monogamy, but I think deciding between them ought to be a case of an individual recognizing their own needs and limitations. For instance, I’m not going to tell an abuse or rape survivor with significant trust issues that they just need to rationally overcome their learned fears; it may be a significant accomplishment for them to even thrive in a monogamous relationship with trust and no jealousy. Calling that “less ethical” seems to ignore individual context and adhere to an optimal reality that ours and the people in it simply can’t match.
One of the things I got out of learning about Polyamory was a label for infatuation, or the “high” of an initial relationship, which was less perjorative. That label is “New Relationship Energy”. I’ve found in my life (as a compulsive starter of projects) that dopamine surge of wanting and not having is a powerful drug.
The thing about Polyamory is that you’re not just deciding for yourself. You’re deciding within a social group. And I think decisions within social groups is the core of what we’re pointing at when we talk about ethics. And that decision may include to not do something because someone you care about couldn’t handle it.
I’d certainly agree with your first point; I was more thinking in terms of the initial “high” most people feel within the initial period of a relationship. As time progresses and infatuation ceases, relationships typically become a great deal more “work” than they do when you’re enamored and full of almost unconditional love. After getting used to that shift, though, I can certainly see variation over time. But I do firmly believe that the initial few months, for most relationships, are the easiest. Hence the need for an evaluation after the initial period of infatuation has faded [which it may have, but it’s unclear in the OP].
I don’t think polyamory is inferior to monogamy, but I think deciding between them ought to be a case of an individual recognizing their own needs and limitations. For instance, I’m not going to tell an abuse or rape survivor with significant trust issues that they just need to rationally overcome their learned fears; it may be a significant accomplishment for them to even thrive in a monogamous relationship with trust and no jealousy. Calling that “less ethical” seems to ignore individual context and adhere to an optimal reality that ours and the people in it simply can’t match.
Thanks for the agreement.
One of the things I got out of learning about Polyamory was a label for infatuation, or the “high” of an initial relationship, which was less perjorative. That label is “New Relationship Energy”. I’ve found in my life (as a compulsive starter of projects) that dopamine surge of wanting and not having is a powerful drug.
The thing about Polyamory is that you’re not just deciding for yourself. You’re deciding within a social group. And I think decisions within social groups is the core of what we’re pointing at when we talk about ethics. And that decision may include to not do something because someone you care about couldn’t handle it.
The opportunities for learning never stop.
Thank you.