How would you feel if you sunk forty months of your life into deconfusing a philosophical issue that had huge, life-altering practical stakes for you, and the response to your careful arguments from community authorities was a dismissive “haha yeah”? Would you, perhaps, be somewhat upset?
Perhaps! But also that doesn’t seem to me like what happened. The response to your careful arguments was the 1000ish words that engage with what seemed to me to be the heart of your questions, and that attempted to convey some ways it seemed you were misunderstanding my communications. Also, the primary intent of the “haha yeah” was not dismissal, and the 100ish words following it were intended to convey some ways it seemed you were misunderstanding the linked twitter thread. Your apparent reading of my “haha yeah” as dismissive of your careful arguments looks to me like yet another way you’re misunderstanding my communications.
(FWIW, as far as I can tell on very brief introspection, the main purpose of the ‘haha yeah’ was to hold open a space—however small—for online correspondence to be actually fun, with a comparatively minor side purpose of dismissing a very limited part of your argument. Furthermore, my conversational ethics do not permit such attempts at dismissal to be purely implicit, and the following paragraph attempts to render explicit the grounds on which I believe a specific narrow part of your argument deserved dismissal. There are forces in play whose names I don’t readily have on this brief introspection, and my account might change on a deeper introspection, but I feel like I know where the dismissal is in all this, and don’t expect I’d find that the main purpose was dismissal-based if I introspected further.)
My take on this conversation is that you’re dramatically mismodelling me, and then running really far—and getting quite distressed—based on bad models. For instance, it looks to me like you read my ‘haha yeah’ as “the response”, despite how it follows a thousand-odd words of engagement, and is sandwiched between a quote selecting a narrow portion of your argument and a paragraph explaining why I think that argument is off-kilter. I have a sense this sort of dramatic misread of my intentions has been happening repeatedly since the beginning, without engagement with my attempts at clarification, and I currently despair of communication.
I know you haven’t solicited advice, but for future reference, if you were taking smaller steps in your assumptions about my intentions, and asking more and earlier questions (example: “What’s the ‘haha yeah’ doing for you? (I’m reading it as broadly dismissive, and feel hurt by it).”), I both expect that you’d have a better chance of communicating with me, and that I’d be more enthusiastic about trying. (I acknowledge that this style of communication requires a high degree of trust, and that you might not have that trust with me.)
As things stand, I have the sense that you’re lashing out wildly at shadow-versions of me you’ve constructed, and I’m not enthusiastic about engaging further on the object level (and my cheerful price is quite high, alas).
But when I do—and I will—if you have any scrap of human decency in your brain, you will not shitpost at me.
I’ve heard (perhaps incorrectly) that this is very emotionally salient to you, that you take it seriously, and that you care deeply about how I react. I feel an abstract compassion for you in this; your quest sounds like a thankless job and plausibly a virtuous one. Only abstract compassion, though, because my current emotional response is one that emits sentences like “well fuck you too; call me back when you can model me farther than you can throw me”. It is from that state that I dispute your factual claim quoted above. My model of human mindspace contains variants of me who could retain some decency while shitposting in ways you perceive as being “at you”. (Example: the thing I’m perceiving as you mismodelling-and-lashing-out hurts to be on the receiving end of, and I claim that humans can retain their decency while lashing out in response to being hurt. Also, I think the shitposting has purposes you’re not modelling, and there are ways your response could be shaped such that shitposting in reply seems reasonable on its face.)
(ETA: the primary connotation of the above is something like “you seem to be attempting to apply pressure to me in a manner I consider invalid; it holds no sway over me” / “I have perceived this as a desperate simultaneous plea for both compassion and deference, and while I have the compassion, I lack the deference”. Neither of those are quite right etc. I add this parenthetical out of an anticipation that, without it, you’ll wildly misinterpret me here. I feel bitterness about how regularly and wildly you seem to misinterpret me, without apparent awareness or acknowledgement, and the bitterness tempts me to sharper phrasings.)
All that said, I’ve heard you as making a request that I avoid a certain type of glibness in my replies to you, on the grounds that it causes you great distress. Insofar as this doesn’t cause me to stop interacting with you wholesale (eg, for fear that I’ll cause you undue great distress given your apparent propensity to misread me), and insofar as I don’t, like, forget when I’m banging out a very quick response, I predict I’ll honor that request. And for the record, I do not intend to cause you distress, and I continue to respect your what-seems-to-me-like conviction in the pursuit of truth.
Perhaps! But also that doesn’t seem to me like what happened. The response to your careful arguments was the 1000ish words that engage with what seemed to me to be the heart of your questions, and that attempted to convey some ways it seemed you were misunderstanding my communications. Also, the primary intent of the “haha yeah” was not dismissal, and the 100ish words following it were intended to convey some ways it seemed you were misunderstanding the linked twitter thread. Your apparent reading of my “haha yeah” as dismissive of your careful arguments looks to me like yet another way you’re misunderstanding my communications.
(FWIW, as far as I can tell on very brief introspection, the main purpose of the ‘haha yeah’ was to hold open a space—however small—for online correspondence to be actually fun, with a comparatively minor side purpose of dismissing a very limited part of your argument. Furthermore, my conversational ethics do not permit such attempts at dismissal to be purely implicit, and the following paragraph attempts to render explicit the grounds on which I believe a specific narrow part of your argument deserved dismissal. There are forces in play whose names I don’t readily have on this brief introspection, and my account might change on a deeper introspection, but I feel like I know where the dismissal is in all this, and don’t expect I’d find that the main purpose was dismissal-based if I introspected further.)
My take on this conversation is that you’re dramatically mismodelling me, and then running really far—and getting quite distressed—based on bad models. For instance, it looks to me like you read my ‘haha yeah’ as “the response”, despite how it follows a thousand-odd words of engagement, and is sandwiched between a quote selecting a narrow portion of your argument and a paragraph explaining why I think that argument is off-kilter. I have a sense this sort of dramatic misread of my intentions has been happening repeatedly since the beginning, without engagement with my attempts at clarification, and I currently despair of communication.
I know you haven’t solicited advice, but for future reference, if you were taking smaller steps in your assumptions about my intentions, and asking more and earlier questions (example: “What’s the ‘haha yeah’ doing for you? (I’m reading it as broadly dismissive, and feel hurt by it).”), I both expect that you’d have a better chance of communicating with me, and that I’d be more enthusiastic about trying. (I acknowledge that this style of communication requires a high degree of trust, and that you might not have that trust with me.)
As things stand, I have the sense that you’re lashing out wildly at shadow-versions of me you’ve constructed, and I’m not enthusiastic about engaging further on the object level (and my cheerful price is quite high, alas).
I’ve heard (perhaps incorrectly) that this is very emotionally salient to you, that you take it seriously, and that you care deeply about how I react. I feel an abstract compassion for you in this; your quest sounds like a thankless job and plausibly a virtuous one. Only abstract compassion, though, because my current emotional response is one that emits sentences like “well fuck you too; call me back when you can model me farther than you can throw me”. It is from that state that I dispute your factual claim quoted above. My model of human mindspace contains variants of me who could retain some decency while shitposting in ways you perceive as being “at you”. (Example: the thing I’m perceiving as you mismodelling-and-lashing-out hurts to be on the receiving end of, and I claim that humans can retain their decency while lashing out in response to being hurt. Also, I think the shitposting has purposes you’re not modelling, and there are ways your response could be shaped such that shitposting in reply seems reasonable on its face.)
(ETA: the primary connotation of the above is something like “you seem to be attempting to apply pressure to me in a manner I consider invalid; it holds no sway over me” / “I have perceived this as a desperate simultaneous plea for both compassion and deference, and while I have the compassion, I lack the deference”. Neither of those are quite right etc. I add this parenthetical out of an anticipation that, without it, you’ll wildly misinterpret me here. I feel bitterness about how regularly and wildly you seem to misinterpret me, without apparent awareness or acknowledgement, and the bitterness tempts me to sharper phrasings.)
All that said, I’ve heard you as making a request that I avoid a certain type of glibness in my replies to you, on the grounds that it causes you great distress. Insofar as this doesn’t cause me to stop interacting with you wholesale (eg, for fear that I’ll cause you undue great distress given your apparent propensity to misread me), and insofar as I don’t, like, forget when I’m banging out a very quick response, I predict I’ll honor that request. And for the record, I do not intend to cause you distress, and I continue to respect your what-seems-to-me-like conviction in the pursuit of truth.
Thanks. I regret letting my emotions get the better of me. I apologize.