I think it can be a problem if you recommend a book and expect the other person to have a social obligation to read it (and needs to make an effortful excuse or pay social capital if it’s not read). It might be hard to fully get rid of this, but I think the utility comparison that should be made is “social friction from someone not following a book recommendation” vs. “utility to the other person from you recommending a book based on knowledge of the book and the person’s preferences/interests”. I suspect that in most contexts this is both an EV-positive exchange and the person correctly decides not to read/finish the book. Maybe a good social norm would be to not get upset if someone doesn’t read your book rec, and also to not feel pressured to read a book that was recommended if you started it/ read a summary and decided it’s not for you
I don’t think social obligations play much if any role in my pet peeve here. If someone recommends a book to me without considering the large investment of time I’d have to make to read it, but doesn’t apply any social pressure, I’d still find that to be frustrating.
I guess it’s kinda like if someone recommends a certain sandwich without factoring in the cost. Maybe the sandwich is really good, but if it’s $1,000, it isn’t worth it. And if it’s moderately good but costs $25, it also isn’t worth it. More generally, whether something is worthwhile depends on both the costs and the benefits, and I think that in making recommendations one should consider them both.
I think it can be a problem if you recommend a book and expect the other person to have a social obligation to read it (and needs to make an effortful excuse or pay social capital if it’s not read). It might be hard to fully get rid of this, but I think the utility comparison that should be made is “social friction from someone not following a book recommendation” vs. “utility to the other person from you recommending a book based on knowledge of the book and the person’s preferences/interests”. I suspect that in most contexts this is both an EV-positive exchange and the person correctly decides not to read/finish the book. Maybe a good social norm would be to not get upset if someone doesn’t read your book rec, and also to not feel pressured to read a book that was recommended if you started it/ read a summary and decided it’s not for you
I don’t think social obligations play much if any role in my pet peeve here. If someone recommends a book to me without considering the large investment of time I’d have to make to read it, but doesn’t apply any social pressure, I’d still find that to be frustrating.
I guess it’s kinda like if someone recommends a certain sandwich without factoring in the cost. Maybe the sandwich is really good, but if it’s $1,000, it isn’t worth it. And if it’s moderately good but costs $25, it also isn’t worth it. More generally, whether something is worthwhile depends on both the costs and the benefits, and I think that in making recommendations one should consider them both.