The first explanation that comes to mind is that people usually go through school, wherein they spend all day with people the same age as them (plus adults, who generally don’t socialize with the kids), and this continues through any education they do. Then, at the very least, this means their starting social group is heavily seeded with people their age, and e.g. if friend A introduces friend B to friend C, the skew will propagate even to those one didn’t meet directly from school.
Post-school, you tend to encounter more of a mix of ages, in workplaces, activity groups, meetups, etc. Then your social group might de-skew over time. But it would probably take a long time to completely de-skew, and age 30 is not especially long after school, especially for those who went to grad school.
There might also be effects where people your age are more likely to be similar in terms of inclination and capability to engage in various activities. Physical condition, monetary resources, having a committed full-time job, whether one has a spouse and children—all can make it easier or harder to do things like world-traveling and sports.
I feel like there is a specific phenomena where, outside of age-segregated environments, it’s still the case that a 30 year old is much more likely to befriend another 30 year old than a 45 year old.
There might also be effects where people your age are more likely to be similar in terms of inclination and capability to engage in various activities. Physical condition, monetary resources, having a committed full-time job, whether one has a spouse and children—all can make it easier or harder to do things like world-traveling and sports.
Yeah maybe. I’m skeptical though. I think once you’re in your 20s, most of the time you’re not too different from people in their 40s. A lot of people in their 20s have romantic partners, jobs, ability to do physically demanding things.
Personally I suspect moderately strongly that the explanation is about what is and isn’t socially acceptable.
If that is indeed the (main) explanation, it seems weird to me. Why would that norm arise?
I think it is a combination of many things that point in a similar direction:
School is age-segregated, and if you are university-educated, you stay there until you are ~ 25.
Even after school, many people keep the friends they made during the school.
A typical 25 years old is looking for a partner, doesn’t have kids, doesn’t have much of a job experience, often can rely on some kind of support from their parents, and is generally full of energy. A typical 40 years old already has a partner, has kids, spent over a decade having a full-time job, sometimes supports their parents, and is generally tired. -- These people are generally in a different situation, with different needs. In their free time, the 25 years old wants to socialize with potential partners. The 45 years old is at home, helping their kids with homework.
Also, I think generally, people have few friends. Especially after school.
*
To use myself as an N=1 example, I am in my 40s, and I am perfectly open to the idea of friendship with people in their 20s. But I spend most of my day at work, then I am at home with my kids, or I call my existing friends and meet them. I spend vacations with my kids, somewhere in nature. I simply do not meet the 20 years olds most of the time. And when I do, they are usually in groups, talking to each other; I am an introverted person, happy to talk 1:1, but I avoid groups unless I already know some of the people.
Thanks, I liked this and it updated me. I. do still think there is a somewhat strong “socially acceptable” element here, but I also think I was underestimating the importance of these lifestyle differences.
I suppose the “socially acceptable” element is a part of why it would feel weird for me to try joining a group of people in their 20s, on the occasions that I meet such group, in contexts where if it was a group of people in their 40s instead, I could simply sit nearby, listen to their debate for a while, and then maybe join at a convenient moment, or hope to be invited to the debate by one of them. Doing this with a group of people a generation younger than me would feel kinda creepy (which is just a different way of saying socially unacceptable). But such situations are rare—in my case, the general social shyness, and the fact that I don’t have hobbies where I could meet many people and interact with them, have a stronger impact. The most likely place for me to meet and talk to younger people are LW/ACX meetups.
For me, one place I’ve noticed it is in my racquetball league. There is a wide mix of ages, but I’ve noticed that the 30somethings tend to gravitate and the 50+ aged people tend to gravitate.
The first explanation that comes to mind is that people usually go through school, wherein they spend all day with people the same age as them (plus adults, who generally don’t socialize with the kids), and this continues through any education they do. Then, at the very least, this means their starting social group is heavily seeded with people their age, and e.g. if friend A introduces friend B to friend C, the skew will propagate even to those one didn’t meet directly from school.
Post-school, you tend to encounter more of a mix of ages, in workplaces, activity groups, meetups, etc. Then your social group might de-skew over time. But it would probably take a long time to completely de-skew, and age 30 is not especially long after school, especially for those who went to grad school.
There might also be effects where people your age are more likely to be similar in terms of inclination and capability to engage in various activities. Physical condition, monetary resources, having a committed full-time job, whether one has a spouse and children—all can make it easier or harder to do things like world-traveling and sports.
I should have been more clear. Sorry.
I feel like there is a specific phenomena where, outside of age-segregated environments, it’s still the case that a 30 year old is much more likely to befriend another 30 year old than a 45 year old.
Yeah maybe. I’m skeptical though. I think once you’re in your 20s, most of the time you’re not too different from people in their 40s. A lot of people in their 20s have romantic partners, jobs, ability to do physically demanding things.
Personally I suspect moderately strongly that the explanation is about what is and isn’t socially acceptable.
If that is indeed the (main) explanation, it seems weird to me. Why would that norm arise?
I think it is a combination of many things that point in a similar direction:
School is age-segregated, and if you are university-educated, you stay there until you are ~ 25.
Even after school, many people keep the friends they made during the school.
A typical 25 years old is looking for a partner, doesn’t have kids, doesn’t have much of a job experience, often can rely on some kind of support from their parents, and is generally full of energy. A typical 40 years old already has a partner, has kids, spent over a decade having a full-time job, sometimes supports their parents, and is generally tired. -- These people are generally in a different situation, with different needs. In their free time, the 25 years old wants to socialize with potential partners. The 45 years old is at home, helping their kids with homework.
Also, I think generally, people have few friends. Especially after school.
*
To use myself as an N=1 example, I am in my 40s, and I am perfectly open to the idea of friendship with people in their 20s. But I spend most of my day at work, then I am at home with my kids, or I call my existing friends and meet them. I spend vacations with my kids, somewhere in nature. I simply do not meet the 20 years olds most of the time. And when I do, they are usually in groups, talking to each other; I am an introverted person, happy to talk 1:1, but I avoid groups unless I already know some of the people.
Thanks, I liked this and it updated me. I. do still think there is a somewhat strong “socially acceptable” element here, but I also think I was underestimating the importance of these lifestyle differences.
I suppose the “socially acceptable” element is a part of why it would feel weird for me to try joining a group of people in their 20s, on the occasions that I meet such group, in contexts where if it was a group of people in their 40s instead, I could simply sit nearby, listen to their debate for a while, and then maybe join at a convenient moment, or hope to be invited to the debate by one of them. Doing this with a group of people a generation younger than me would feel kinda creepy (which is just a different way of saying socially unacceptable). But such situations are rare—in my case, the general social shyness, and the fact that I don’t have hobbies where I could meet many people and interact with them, have a stronger impact. The most likely place for me to meet and talk to younger people are LW/ACX meetups.
For me, one place I’ve noticed it is in my racquetball league. There is a wide mix of ages, but I’ve noticed that the 30somethings tend to gravitate and the 50+ aged people tend to gravitate.