I’m more invested in the outcome than the others (...) I skimmed the email and put it aside for later, since it seemed less than urgent to me.
Notice a contradiction?
To a reasonable first approximation teamwork consist of exchanging and fulfilling promises. (To a first approximation only; in particular, affect turns out to count for a lot, but more over the long run.)
See this article for an introduction to one framework for thinking about promises, inspired by the work of Fernando Flores and Terry “SHRDLU” Winograd, and by Searle’s theory of speech acts.
The situation you describe can easily be analyzed in terms of failure to negotiate a reliable promise—consider the specific details “an exercise for the reader”. The failure isn’t necessarily on your part—but one major point of the article is that reliable promises are a shared responsibility.
That is why I said this was a different problem than my usual one. And it really bothered me that I hadn’t held up my end, which is why I left the group, even though they would certainly have put my name on the final draft. If I ever end up in this situation again, I’ll know that they actually do mean they want the project finished a month early...most people, if they say that, don’t mean it.
Actually, if I ever encounter this situation again, I’ll probably leave the group if that’s an option. I don’t like the feeling of being less invested in the outcome than the others any more than I like being more invested. It just makes me feel bad for putting in a level of effort that’s reasonable for my expectations by not for theirs.
Incidentally, I’m looking forward to doing the project alone. It’s actually quite an interesting assignment now that I can put aside worrying about group dynamics.
And it really bothered me that I hadn’t held up my end
Cool stuff—this means you’ve spotted the main important point to learn from this experience.
But don’t take it too badly. This is a one-off. An eye-opener, for sure—but now you know that groups exist out there where everybody just gets on and does the work… where everybody trusts each other to do what needs doing without being asked. It’s called being proactive—and it’s looked upon very highly in the “Real world”.
Personally—I think that, now that you understand what’s expected of you—you’ll find that your “new experience” kind of group is actually better suited to your personality...
Sure thing there are lots of “group 1” types out there… that only work when somebody pushes them, but if you don’t want to become the person doing the pushing, you won’t want to join that kind of group.
However—you have to internalise that if you’re not doing the pushing.. you’re also not going to be pushed (and will have to push yourself)… or you’ll find yourself left behind. So—learn when to push yourself. Don’t beat yourself up if you miss the signs a few times, but use the experience as a lesson to know what to look out for next time. eg to start straight away, instead of putting it off for later. To look for things that could be done—instead of waiting for other people to ask you.
This is actually a really important skill for nurses. You can’t just react to what other people are telling you. The patient doesn’t know what’s wrong with themselves… and neither do the other nurses—you have to dig to find out. That means using your own initiative.
My mum has been a nurse for decades now, and she has stories from saving several people’s lives where she spotted something that she didn’t have to do… could have put off… but just went and did anyway.
Oh—and she’s a total control freak too, so don’t worry about that part. ;)
So basically it’s all about proactivity...which does not come naturally to me. Outside events that require a real-time response always feel like an intrusion to my personal bubble. Which may be the source of my ‘reaction problem’. It’s like “I was in the middle of thinking about quantum physics, what do you mean I have to go deal with this kid crying and bleeding on the pool deck?” See my post Ability to React, http://lesswrong.com/lw/4fo/ability_to_react.
On the other hand, when I’m already doing something, and I feel fairly competent and in control, I get into a state of “flow” where being proactive is easier than not being proactive. I managed to get into that state this morning, during my first clinical placement when I was actually looking after a patient.
I can say that I personally do not know a single person of whom proactivity comes naturally. Everybody that I know that has learned it… has had it metaphorically beaten into them—either through a parent (lots of women learn this skill from their mothers) or through their own personal failures (mainly through crying over lost opportunities only spotted in hindsight...).
If you can get started on learning this skill early… I predict that it will be of wide-ranging benefit to you in the future :)
I predict that my 2-and-a-bit remaining years of nursing school will hammer it pretty deep. And I do try to be proactive...or at least slightly more so than my classmates, so that my teachers think I am!
That link on securing reliable promises looks excellent—that is, it looks much more thorough than my ideas on the subject and there was nothing obviously wrong with it. I admit I haven’t poked it hard to check for errors.
Notice a contradiction?
To a reasonable first approximation teamwork consist of exchanging and fulfilling promises. (To a first approximation only; in particular, affect turns out to count for a lot, but more over the long run.)
See this article for an introduction to one framework for thinking about promises, inspired by the work of Fernando Flores and Terry “SHRDLU” Winograd, and by Searle’s theory of speech acts.
The situation you describe can easily be analyzed in terms of failure to negotiate a reliable promise—consider the specific details “an exercise for the reader”. The failure isn’t necessarily on your part—but one major point of the article is that reliable promises are a shared responsibility.
That is why I said this was a different problem than my usual one. And it really bothered me that I hadn’t held up my end, which is why I left the group, even though they would certainly have put my name on the final draft. If I ever end up in this situation again, I’ll know that they actually do mean they want the project finished a month early...most people, if they say that, don’t mean it.
Actually, if I ever encounter this situation again, I’ll probably leave the group if that’s an option. I don’t like the feeling of being less invested in the outcome than the others any more than I like being more invested. It just makes me feel bad for putting in a level of effort that’s reasonable for my expectations by not for theirs.
Incidentally, I’m looking forward to doing the project alone. It’s actually quite an interesting assignment now that I can put aside worrying about group dynamics.
Cool stuff—this means you’ve spotted the main important point to learn from this experience.
But don’t take it too badly. This is a one-off. An eye-opener, for sure—but now you know that groups exist out there where everybody just gets on and does the work… where everybody trusts each other to do what needs doing without being asked. It’s called being proactive—and it’s looked upon very highly in the “Real world”.
Personally—I think that, now that you understand what’s expected of you—you’ll find that your “new experience” kind of group is actually better suited to your personality...
Sure thing there are lots of “group 1” types out there… that only work when somebody pushes them, but if you don’t want to become the person doing the pushing, you won’t want to join that kind of group.
However—you have to internalise that if you’re not doing the pushing.. you’re also not going to be pushed (and will have to push yourself)… or you’ll find yourself left behind. So—learn when to push yourself. Don’t beat yourself up if you miss the signs a few times, but use the experience as a lesson to know what to look out for next time. eg to start straight away, instead of putting it off for later. To look for things that could be done—instead of waiting for other people to ask you.
This is actually a really important skill for nurses. You can’t just react to what other people are telling you. The patient doesn’t know what’s wrong with themselves… and neither do the other nurses—you have to dig to find out. That means using your own initiative.
My mum has been a nurse for decades now, and she has stories from saving several people’s lives where she spotted something that she didn’t have to do… could have put off… but just went and did anyway.
Oh—and she’s a total control freak too, so don’t worry about that part. ;)
So keep at it. you’re going great.
So basically it’s all about proactivity...which does not come naturally to me. Outside events that require a real-time response always feel like an intrusion to my personal bubble. Which may be the source of my ‘reaction problem’. It’s like “I was in the middle of thinking about quantum physics, what do you mean I have to go deal with this kid crying and bleeding on the pool deck?” See my post Ability to React, http://lesswrong.com/lw/4fo/ability_to_react.
On the other hand, when I’m already doing something, and I feel fairly competent and in control, I get into a state of “flow” where being proactive is easier than not being proactive. I managed to get into that state this morning, during my first clinical placement when I was actually looking after a patient.
Yep, thats a good summation.
I can say that I personally do not know a single person of whom proactivity comes naturally. Everybody that I know that has learned it… has had it metaphorically beaten into them—either through a parent (lots of women learn this skill from their mothers) or through their own personal failures (mainly through crying over lost opportunities only spotted in hindsight...).
If you can get started on learning this skill early… I predict that it will be of wide-ranging benefit to you in the future :)
I predict that my 2-and-a-bit remaining years of nursing school will hammer it pretty deep. And I do try to be proactive...or at least slightly more so than my classmates, so that my teachers think I am!
AFAICT that’s the essence of getting better at this one. So keep doing that :)
That link on securing reliable promises looks excellent—that is, it looks much more thorough than my ideas on the subject and there was nothing obviously wrong with it. I admit I haven’t poked it hard to check for errors.