i’m not sure the simulacrum model is quite necessary to understand people’s responses to information. particularly in the first 3, i think the responses can be explained by cognitive dissonance. in 1 & 3, the hearer holds the belief “i offer a good product” and is confronted with the information “someone is not satisfied with my product.” in the gym example, the alternatives (skipping entirely, 10-minute self-warmup) are easily explained by “this person is busy.” in 2, you perhaps hold the belief “i am a good person who does not destroy library materials” and are confronted with the information “i might be destroying library materials.” in these examples, the dissonance could be resolved by more nuanced 3rd beliefs, such as “this person has special needs and has adapted my quality product to suit their needs” or “i am a good person make mistakes sometimes”. [this is all pretty straight out of psych theory on cognitive dissonance, applied to these examples]
with that in mind, your recommendation #3 is not necessary: it is possible to be honest and congenial.. it just takes some work. work first to understand a person’s propositional belief system, then to figure out how to present information in a way that can be rendered consistent with their belief system. of course this will not always be possible.. sometimes beliefs will have to change, but by being aware of what the effect of the info is you can try to cushion the blow. of course, that might not be worth it just for the hot sauce situation. could be worth it for the gym situation.
(Ref: Gawronski 2012, “Back to the future of dissonance theory”)
it occurs to me that ‘rudeness’ in this framework is a sort of protective charm; by casting the person as rude, you discount their credibility and therefore don’t have to update your beliefs.