This fits with my experience well. I had a difficult childhood and possess a lot of engrams from it which used to manifest as dissociative subselves; never to the point of DID but for a long time I did meet the criteria for OSDD-1b, though I feel it was to a certain extent self-deception / larping, but how can you tell, really?
Anyway, point is, working with a friend of mine to explore these trigger patterns using techniques reminiscent of internal family systems and transactional analysis over the past few years, I have found that a lot of them are overgeneralizations from negative patterns in how my parents behaved when I was a child, projected onto other people.
But a few times—and we’re still not sure exactly when or how it happened, because it didn’t feel like anything was changing in the moment—she has been able to overwrite a few of them by triggering the hell out of me and then flipping the script by being loving and understanding towards the various versions of child-me that emerged.
In particular some hangups about intimacy that I have had basically my entire life seem to have mostly disappeared rather abruptly a few months ago, probably due to her influence accumulating over time past some sort of threshold. And it’s been months since I last heavily dissociated.
This fits with my experience well. I had a difficult childhood and possess a lot of engrams from it which used to manifest as dissociative subselves; never to the point of DID but for a long time I did meet the criteria for OSDD-1b, though I feel it was to a certain extent self-deception / larping, but how can you tell, really?
Anyway, point is, working with a friend of mine to explore these trigger patterns using techniques reminiscent of internal family systems and transactional analysis over the past few years, I have found that a lot of them are overgeneralizations from negative patterns in how my parents behaved when I was a child, projected onto other people.
But a few times—and we’re still not sure exactly when or how it happened, because it didn’t feel like anything was changing in the moment—she has been able to overwrite a few of them by triggering the hell out of me and then flipping the script by being loving and understanding towards the various versions of child-me that emerged.
In particular some hangups about intimacy that I have had basically my entire life seem to have mostly disappeared rather abruptly a few months ago, probably due to her influence accumulating over time past some sort of threshold. And it’s been months since I last heavily dissociated.