I agree that the article is exaggerated. It makes FTX and EA sound like synonyms. I think the common-sense response to “socializing with presence of psychedelics” with strangers is to say no. Etc.
That said, it seems to me that you trivialize the issue of power differentials. Mere “do not date your boss” is not sufficient, because:
1) Sometimes people get promoted, and what started as dating or flirting with your equal may suddenly become a relationship with your boss.
2) In situations with complex networks of relationships (people dating each other, polycules, group houses), the only person in a formal position of power may be your boss, but there are people with various kinds of informal power, such as “a lover of your boss”, “a roommate of your boss”, etc.
Also, the dynamics of dating at the workplace is different if you have e.g. 7 people, where A and B are a couple, C and D are a couple, and E, F, G are dating outside of workplace (or not at all), compared to a situation where A, B, C, D, E and F are a polycule, and G is not interested in dating any of them but keeps getting all kinds of hints.
It seems to me that many people like the idea of having a great relation at a workplace, but hate getting unwanted attention or getting involved in other people’s drama. Also, sex may become a factor in office politics, which some people enjoy, but others hate it with a burning passion.
(That said, I believe you can be an EA without living in a group house and having group sex with other EAs.)
If Alice is dating Bob and Alice is promoted to become Bob’s boss, then Alice should refuse the promotion, or everyone involved agree that Bob moves to a different department, or some other solution along these lines. And, yes, informal positions of power is a thing that should be watched out for. I don’t think I’m trivializing, I just feel there’s a reasonable trade-off point and the norms associated with the American left (which is obviously very influential in this community) went too far to one end of spectrum.
Now, when most people in a workplace are dating each other… I don’t know, this is too far outside my experience for me to have an informed opinion. I can believe this is a terrible idea, or that it’s somehow manageable if done right. I think that usually this organically doesn’t happen, but I have no experience with working in heavily-poly / heavily-EA orgs, maybe that’s different.
Notice that “the gears to ascenscion” wrote “in professional contexts”, not just “while working at the same place”. That might be interpreted to mean things like “don’t date people who you sometimes see in professional conferences”, and AFAICT some people actually endorse norms along those lines. And, I think that’s going way too far.
I agree. If it’s not the same workplace, it seems generally okay to me.
There might be some special case where I would say otherwise. But I believe most people would not object against two plumbers dating, or two software developers, or two teachers...
I agree that the article is exaggerated. It makes FTX and EA sound like synonyms. I think the common-sense response to “socializing with presence of psychedelics” with strangers is to say no. Etc.
That said, it seems to me that you trivialize the issue of power differentials. Mere “do not date your boss” is not sufficient, because:
1) Sometimes people get promoted, and what started as dating or flirting with your equal may suddenly become a relationship with your boss.
2) In situations with complex networks of relationships (people dating each other, polycules, group houses), the only person in a formal position of power may be your boss, but there are people with various kinds of informal power, such as “a lover of your boss”, “a roommate of your boss”, etc.
Also, the dynamics of dating at the workplace is different if you have e.g. 7 people, where A and B are a couple, C and D are a couple, and E, F, G are dating outside of workplace (or not at all), compared to a situation where A, B, C, D, E and F are a polycule, and G is not interested in dating any of them but keeps getting all kinds of hints.
It seems to me that many people like the idea of having a great relation at a workplace, but hate getting unwanted attention or getting involved in other people’s drama. Also, sex may become a factor in office politics, which some people enjoy, but others hate it with a burning passion.
(That said, I believe you can be an EA without living in a group house and having group sex with other EAs.)
If Alice is dating Bob and Alice is promoted to become Bob’s boss, then Alice should refuse the promotion, or everyone involved agree that Bob moves to a different department, or some other solution along these lines. And, yes, informal positions of power is a thing that should be watched out for. I don’t think I’m trivializing, I just feel there’s a reasonable trade-off point and the norms associated with the American left (which is obviously very influential in this community) went too far to one end of spectrum.
Now, when most people in a workplace are dating each other… I don’t know, this is too far outside my experience for me to have an informed opinion. I can believe this is a terrible idea, or that it’s somehow manageable if done right. I think that usually this organically doesn’t happen, but I have no experience with working in heavily-poly / heavily-EA orgs, maybe that’s different.
Notice that “the gears to ascenscion” wrote “in professional contexts”, not just “while working at the same place”. That might be interpreted to mean things like “don’t date people who you sometimes see in professional conferences”, and AFAICT some people actually endorse norms along those lines. And, I think that’s going way too far.
I agree. If it’s not the same workplace, it seems generally okay to me.
There might be some special case where I would say otherwise. But I believe most people would not object against two plumbers dating, or two software developers, or two teachers...