becoming “a gentleman” rather than a “pick-up artist”
Seems a good idea.
Be careful. A lot of common missteps in personal presentation, especially in geek communities, come from failed attempts to look gentlemanly; the “m’lady” stereotype of Reddit fame is an extreme example, of course, but the rabbit hole goes a lot deeper. I’m only casually familiar with r/malefashionadvice, but I recall its house style being described somewhere as “dressing like a grownup”, which seems like a better objective to start with.
Apparently the problem is that the “m’lady” stereotype is wearing a fedora with a t-shirt, is overweight and is just essentially low-status. A gentleman wearing a suit with some confidence is a different matter.
Now I want to know how to dress as a badass gentleman...
Sure, that’s the stereotype. But the problem is actually that the signaling model is wrong. Our stereotype wants to associate himself with some concept, so he throws on an item that he associates with that concept: a pinstripe fedora if he likes Thirties mobsters, let’s say, or a leather trench if he’s seen The Matrix one too many times. It’s out of context, it clashes, and the outfit ends up looking worse than the sum of its parts (and being overweight and poorly groomed never helps).
The principle is easy to state: clothes should work in context, including the context of your body. But the point is that those cues are not obvious. There’s a whole visual language that needs to be learned before you can reliably present yourself as e.g. gentlemanly, and keeping a laser focus on whatever stereotype you feel like projecting actually isn’t the most efficient way to get there. Better to start with the basics.
I think how to “dress for success” differs radically between different subcultures. In some you want to look like you stepped out of a fashion ad, in others it’s all about worn jeans and tshirts, in yet others fake fur and el-wire rule...
Be careful. A lot of common missteps in personal presentation, especially in geek communities, come from failed attempts to look gentlemanly; the “m’lady” stereotype of Reddit fame is an extreme example, of course, but the rabbit hole goes a lot deeper. I’m only casually familiar with r/malefashionadvice, but I recall its house style being described somewhere as “dressing like a grownup”, which seems like a better objective to start with.
(Failed attempts to look badass are even worse.)
Apparently the problem is that the “m’lady” stereotype is wearing a fedora with a t-shirt, is overweight and is just essentially low-status. A gentleman wearing a suit with some confidence is a different matter.
Now I want to know how to dress as a badass gentleman...
Sure, that’s the stereotype. But the problem is actually that the signaling model is wrong. Our stereotype wants to associate himself with some concept, so he throws on an item that he associates with that concept: a pinstripe fedora if he likes Thirties mobsters, let’s say, or a leather trench if he’s seen The Matrix one too many times. It’s out of context, it clashes, and the outfit ends up looking worse than the sum of its parts (and being overweight and poorly groomed never helps).
The principle is easy to state: clothes should work in context, including the context of your body. But the point is that those cues are not obvious. There’s a whole visual language that needs to be learned before you can reliably present yourself as e.g. gentlemanly, and keeping a laser focus on whatever stereotype you feel like projecting actually isn’t the most efficient way to get there. Better to start with the basics.
I think how to “dress for success” differs radically between different subcultures. In some you want to look like you stepped out of a fashion ad, in others it’s all about worn jeans and tshirts, in yet others fake fur and el-wire rule...