(Written quickly, and therefore not compactly, in the shower. Apologies.)
I have suspected for a while that there is instrumental value in oxytocin/companionate-love/etc, beyond the terminal ‘niceness’ of it.
Consider alcohol (or other inhibition-lowering drugs):
Bars are, apparently, the standard place to meet up after work and relax in lots of cultures
Ensuring there is sufficient wine/alcohol at a dinner party (or parties of any sort) is IME considered a top priority
At parties, it is a meme that high schoolers are taught to fight that folks (especially the host) will frequently at least lightly suggest that you have a drink/other similar drug
Intuitively to me, “~everyone will have a better time here / this way compared to the alternative.” But why? I think a large part of it is that folks who have had alcohol before both know how it effects them (it makes them more likely to speak their mind and/or feel friendly toward others and/or take risks social or otherwise) and, the key part: they also believe it effects everyone else roughly the same way. If everyone at the party knows that everyone else is getting drunk, if there is common knowledge that everyone is lowering their guard, then everyone feels safe and relaxed enough to in fact lower theirs. Social frictions get smoothed and higher value social risks get taken (e.g. dancing, asking someone out, etc),
I think oxytocin/companionate love plays a very similar role on the level of personal relationships (of all kinds.) If there is common knowledge that the individuals are drunk on love/connection (or at least buzzed,) then there is a commonly known joint belief that the other will seek to overlook flaws, establish greater trust, make good faith efforts toward the other’s values, look out for the other in a general sense, …. And when that is believed by all participants, alliances on all levels (professional, friendly, romantic,...) are made much more frequently, easily, and held more strongly.
This is a large part of why, I think, that there is often such delighted interest from others in whether one is drunk/drugged...and similarly why there is such delighted and/or profoundly serious interest in whether one feels love toward another. Having common knowledge about everyone under the same or similar influence is a majority of the value to be had.
Last piece of the model: Being drunk/drugged among people you don’t already trust is, as I understand, commonly considered to be a Bad Time, and I think it’s because you’ve made yourself more vulnerable but have no assurance that others are more likely to trust you in kind. I claim that it is for similar reasons that people become very impassioned about the question of “Does X really love me?” If one person is sipping on that oxytocin, and the other one isn’t, then that creates a serious asymmetric vulnerability.
At least that’s my model of a significant chunk of the instrumental value / import / function of oxytocin to human brains in particular.
So with all that established: Contrary to the post title: If you (John) find some way to temporarily shoot up with oxytocin that works, there may be human-relationship/coordination circumstances where you (John) might want to do so as an instrumental act toward satisfying non-companionate-love values.
(Written quickly, and therefore not compactly, in the shower. Apologies.)
I have suspected for a while that there is instrumental value in oxytocin/companionate-love/etc, beyond the terminal ‘niceness’ of it.
Consider alcohol (or other inhibition-lowering drugs):
Bars are, apparently, the standard place to meet up after work and relax in lots of cultures
Ensuring there is sufficient wine/alcohol at a dinner party (or parties of any sort) is IME considered a top priority
At parties, it is a meme that high schoolers are taught to fight that folks (especially the host) will frequently at least lightly suggest that you have a drink/other similar drug
Intuitively to me, “~everyone will have a better time here / this way compared to the alternative.” But why? I think a large part of it is that folks who have had alcohol before both know how it effects them (it makes them more likely to speak their mind and/or feel friendly toward others and/or take risks social or otherwise) and, the key part: they also believe it effects everyone else roughly the same way. If everyone at the party knows that everyone else is getting drunk, if there is common knowledge that everyone is lowering their guard, then everyone feels safe and relaxed enough to in fact lower theirs. Social frictions get smoothed and higher value social risks get taken (e.g. dancing, asking someone out, etc),
I think oxytocin/companionate love plays a very similar role on the level of personal relationships (of all kinds.) If there is common knowledge that the individuals are drunk on love/connection (or at least buzzed,) then there is a commonly known joint belief that the other will seek to overlook flaws, establish greater trust, make good faith efforts toward the other’s values, look out for the other in a general sense, …. And when that is believed by all participants, alliances on all levels (professional, friendly, romantic,...) are made much more frequently, easily, and held more strongly.
This is a large part of why, I think, that there is often such delighted interest from others in whether one is drunk/drugged...and similarly why there is such delighted and/or profoundly serious interest in whether one feels love toward another. Having common knowledge about everyone under the same or similar influence is a majority of the value to be had.
Last piece of the model: Being drunk/drugged among people you don’t already trust is, as I understand, commonly considered to be a Bad Time, and I think it’s because you’ve made yourself more vulnerable but have no assurance that others are more likely to trust you in kind. I claim that it is for similar reasons that people become very impassioned about the question of “Does X really love me?” If one person is sipping on that oxytocin, and the other one isn’t, then that creates a serious asymmetric vulnerability.
At least that’s my model of a significant chunk of the instrumental value / import / function of oxytocin to human brains in particular.
So with all that established: Contrary to the post title: If you (John) find some way to temporarily shoot up with oxytocin that works, there may be human-relationship/coordination circumstances where you (John) might want to do so as an instrumental act toward satisfying non-companionate-love values.