For me, it “works” similarly to the original, but emphasizes (1) the underspecification of “far surpass”, and (2) that the creation of a greater intelligence may require resources (intellectual or otherwise) beyond those of the proposed ultraintelligent person, the way an ultraintelligent wasp may qualify as far superior in all intellectual endeavors to a typical wasp yet still remain unable to invent and build a simple computing machine, nevermind constructing a greater intelligence.
For me, it “works” similarly to the original, but emphasizes (1) the underspecification of “far surpass”, and (2) that the creation of a greater intelligence may require resources (intellectual or otherwise) beyond those of the proposed ultraintelligent person, the way an ultraintelligent wasp may qualify as far superior in all intellectual endeavors to a typical wasp yet still remain unable to invent and build a simple computing machine, nevermind constructing a greater intelligence.